Can you spot all the confirmed fan theories in Game of Thrones: Home?

I know you think I’m going to focus on the main confirmed theory, but of course I’m going to save that for last.

Lyanna

OK so maybe this wasn’t a fan theory, but we don’t know a whole lot about Lyanna that hasn’t be told to us. In the first book we hear stories from Robert that make her sound like a sweet virgin that was attacked by a spoiled prince. Ned’s memories are tinted by grief and shrouded by mystery.

So we finally get to see Lyanna and witness for ourselves that she’s not some simpering lady that would get taken advantage of. Instead she’s a fierce woman like Arya and doesn’t seem like someone that would need much help.

Maybe then we’ll get R+L=J confirmed next week. Lyanna seems more like someone that would let the world burn around her to be with the one she loves. I need that to be true.

Important side crap

Where is Brandon in the flashback? Ned wasn’t the first heir of Winterfell and the show has kind of ignored the fact that the Mad King not only killed Brandon, he also killed Ned’s father.

Old Nan is who grabs Hodor/Wylis and pulls him away from the fight. It’s alluded to in the book that Nan is hundreds of years old and has some magic knowledge.

Hodor

Hodor.

They show Hodor young and able to talk. There’s a fan theory that Hodor was somehow traumatized when Lyanna died or during the war and that’s why he just says Hodor. Maybe the show is buying in to that and I’ll be interested if they do. This isn’t a theory that I hate, but I also don’t love it.

Random Facts

In the books Hodor’s real name is Walder and Old Nan tells them that. But that would have made like the millionth Walder so I understand why the show wanted to change the name.

Wun Wun

Wun Wun is the name of the giant– you know the one that decided to smoosh some people this episode. He’s a little more prominent in the books and I had a theory that Jon gained control of him to try to get help when he was attacked, but they didn’t got that way on the show.

However I’m happy that they involved him in Jon’s rescue. Wun Wun was proof that everything that people found scary Beyond the Wall weren’t as bad as they seemed. He was trying to learn to speak and adapting to the environment.

Ser Robert Strong

It’s been suspected that Ser Robert  (the huge quiet knight that likes to kill) is the Mountain in zombie form that Qyburn has revived. The books never really confirm it, but they hint strongly to it.

The show jumps right into this theory though and pretty much confirm that Ser Robert is the Mountain. I wonder if Qyburn has a backdoor control on his monster that will backfire on Cersei though (I hope so).

The High Sparrow

There is a running theory that he is Howland Reed (Meera and Jojen’s dad who was at the Tower of Joy with Ned Stark.

The thought is that he is taking down the people who killed his friend (Ned) through the church. I go back and forth with this theory, but we should find out more about Howland next week when Bran has visions of what really happened at the Tower of Joy (I’m sure it was all really cheerful happy things).

Tyrion is a Targaryen

OK so stay with me for a moment. In the books Prince Quentyn tries to do what Tyrion does in this episode– fully expecting the Targaryen blood he has to help him control the dragons. Instead the dragons are freed and and Quentyn dies a horrible fire-y death.

However there is a huge theory that Tyrion is not Tywin’s son, but instead is the result of either an affair with the Mad King and Tywin’s wife or that she was raped by him. There are many posts that back this theory up and just as many that refute it.

It is also known that if you have dragon’s blood in you that the dragon’s will trust you (Dany actually gets betrayed by someone because of this).  (It is known).

he’s about to write a book about the serving class of Mereen pooping in pies

In walks Tyrion who calmly (or at least a hell of a lot calmer than me) talks to the dragons– says they are totes besties and then removes their chains. All without getting burned or eaten.

So did the show just confirm that Tyrion is a Targaryen? Or is he just well versed in Dragonlore? Will he be the third dragon rider (I already have the other two picked out).

More Random Book Thoughts

Quentyn dies trying to free the dragons, but he frees the all the same. Leaving them to terrorize the area and do what they want. My theory is that the white dragon (Viserion) is on his way to the Wall to meet his rider there.

So did Tyrion just let the dragons all the way go and can Viserion go meet up with his Dragonrider now?

Arya

I already talked about how much Arya and Lyanna are alike and we see a beaten, but not at all broken Arya this episode. There aren’t any theories confirmed for Arya this episode, but I’m getting disappointed on the things that they are leaving out about Arya.

In the books she learned how to warg while she was blind so that she could still see what was going on around her. She also is dreaming nightly of her wolf and has her pack pull her mother out of the river after The Red Wedding. I hate that they are leaving these parts out because you don’t see all the growth that she’s experiencing. Also they’ve not done a good job explaining that all the Starks (except Sansa) have the warging ability (Sansa probably did have that, but then her wolf died and she’s also stupid).

So I’m holding out until Arya wargs into a cat to spy on people.

and everyone wants this again

The Bastard

OK so there aren’t any theories confirmed here either, but there is some glorious murdering— and some really really sick murdering.

The Greyjoy’s

OK the sh*t is about the hit the fan here, but I didn’t like it in the books and can’t say that I’m enjoying watching it either. Everyone from there is grouchy, dirty and an all around piece of crap. But stuff happens. And I guess it’s important.

What you need to get from this

The Kingsmoot is kinda where they will vote on who will rule next. Imagine the current election, but with more threat of murder.

Jon *$%^#% Snow

Here’s the main event. Ever since the 5th book was released there have been theories flying around that the Red Woman would bring him back, or that some other magic would save him. Now it finally happened!

Melisandre makes a big show of a prayer and a ritual used to revive Jon, but did that really do it? Is that what saved him or did some other magic save him? Was the ritual necessary or just her faith that her god could do this that saved Jon? Or did some warg/Northern magic save Jon and the timing is just a coincidence? The only other revival we’ve seen like that was done by just a short prayer whispered in the ear of the the deceased.

Will Jon be the same?

I really think that Jon was never all the way gone because if he had been Ghost I think would have left his body. As it was he protected him until he came back to it.

Next week we will finally get to learn about the Tower of Joy and what went down there.

 

 

Game of Thrones: A Dance With Dragons, More Theories Confirmed!

Stannis

Melisandre is caught unawares by Ramsey’s attack team that sets fire to much of the camp and ruins all of their food and much of their shelter. OK I’m gonna let you finish, but seriously I find it hard to believe that Melisandre wouldn’t have seen a direct attack on Stannis much less one that used fire. I feel like she could have controlled the fire in some way as well, but since in the books she’s was busy being a weirdo creeper to Jon Snow on the Wall this is all new territory. Stannis does have many set backs in the books, but no direct conflict with the Boltons at this time. Oh and there’s something else that he doesn’t do. . .

Oh right!   He doesn’t burn his daughter alive! He does burn some people that ate a fellow solider (who had died of exposure first) as an example of what he will do to others that have the same idea. Also to sacrifice to the Red God R’hllor to help speed them to Winterfell. If there is anything I hate more right now it’s this character change. Stannis isn’t an amazing dude, but he’s not a guy that killed his daughter and I don’t see how anyone could want him to be King now even if (OK here’s a spoiler so skip ahead if you don’t want to know) the Iron Bank steps in to bankroll him like the do in the books (they don’t like Cersei defaulting on the loans so much).

Oh and the Queen feeling bad at the end? Um no– not that Shireen gets burned in the books, but the Queen would have been totally fine with it.

I wonder what Davos will think of this when he makes it back?

Jon Snow

Jon Snow doesn’t have a big role this week, but it looks like they are setting him up to have a very pointed role next week. We see a tense moment though when it doesn’t look like his men are going to open the gates to the rescued Wildlings. Even though they do finally open the gates for Jon and Co. it’s obvious that no one (besides Sam) is happy with what Jon has done. Wun Wun (the giant) walking past the brothers doesn’t do anything to make this better. We end our stay at Castle Black with these ominous words:

Will it really get all of them killed?

Meanwhile in Dorne

Jaime expects to be killed, but of course Prince Doran can’t kill off the Kingslayer. Oberyn’s widow is openly hostile to everyone and it’s a nice happy tea time. They finally agree to release Myrcella as long as her betrothed goes with her and he gets a spot on the small council and Bronn gets punched. Oh and there is an odd scene with the Sand Snakes again. I’m loving Prince Doran, but really everyone else and everything else in Dorne is weird to me.

This sentiment is pretty on the money compared to the books. Prince Doran wants to avoid useless war.

Arya

We see Cat of the Canals (or whatever the young kids are calling her these days) about to kill off the person she’s been designated to kill, but she gets distracted when she sees Ser Meryn Trant hop off a boat with the envoy from Westeros. Meryn if you remember (which I don’t blame you if you don’t) is the one who killed her fencing teacher (at least that’s assumed since Meryn is still alive) and allowed her to escape. He’s also been on her night hit prayer list since she ran off on her own. I believe what we are seeing is a set up for what happens in a released chapter of Winds of Winter (the book that GRRM still hasn’t finished). (SPOILER WARNING AGAIN) In that chapter Arya is playing an actor (who is playing Sansa in a play about Westeros) and while she’s an actor she runs into Ser Meryn and gets him to go somewhere private so they can have sex. Which isn’t quite what happens.

Arya has wasted her day following the people from Westeros though and hasn’t killed her man. She makes her way back to the House of Black and White and lies about why she didn’t complete her task. It’s unsure whether or not she’s believed, but I’m gonna say not. As much as I hate Stannis’ story changes I am completely cool with Arya’s. They seem to just be moving things along for her and not so much changing things.

Oh also remember that the envoy from Westeros is there to tell the Iron Bank they aren’t so much going to pay their debts. It’s going to go great for them.

Meereen

We see Dany about to witness the Roman Gladiators fighting. They even say ” We who are about to die salute you” or something insanely close to that. Tyrion is just as offended by all of this as Dany is. The best part about the fights themselves is Daario flirting with Dany right in front of her fiance. She obviously still prefers him to anyone at this point.

So a bunch of people die, Jorah shows up and kills a bunch of people too and then suddenly throws a spear towards his Queen! Whaaaat? Oh, just to kill the assassin that was standing behind her. Chaos erupts and people are killed right and left. I’m not sure why Sons of the Harpy would kill the commoners, but they kill everyone the can and work through the Unsullied like they are not the formidable fighting men they were trained to be (seriously is their armor made of paper mache?)

It’s not until they begin to try to run away and are cornered that the thing happens that I’ve been waiting on since the fighting began.

Drogon shows up.

In the books Drogon also comes when Dany attends her first fight and when people start attacking him she runs out and (gets all her clothes burned off of her– because GRRM is a creep) jumps on the dragon and flies off with him.  She wasn’t in immediate danger like here, but someone does try to poison her (but it doesn’t work). She then spends a while out in the desert abandoned by her dragon and then on her period. Yeah.

Drogon coming is amazing both on screen and in the book and I love that they confirmed (at least in my mind) that Dany called Drogon to come get her. In the books she was uncomfortable and wanted to be out of that situation so I still think she called out to Drogon in her mind (like the Starks do with their wolves) and he came to save her.

Her face here kinda confirms that for me:

Hey Drogon, you up?

In the show she seems to have much more control over Drogon in this scene and climbs aboard just like the books and flies away– but leaves her friends abandoned behind in the pits.

Sucks to be you!

No matter what Drogon rocked it. Next week is the season finale so I’m sure it will be jam packed full of back stabbing feels!

Game of Thrones: Hardhome. Did they really just confirm [SPOILER]??

Well we ended last week with Jorah delivering his gift to Dany and her not really knowing what to do with him. It looks like right now not much has changed in that aspect.

Dany and Tyrion

We open up this episode with Dany questioning Tyrion about why she shouldn’t just kill him right now (which she has a point) and asking Tyrion what he thinks she should do with Jorah (who she told she’d kill if he came back).

Tyrion points out that he’s kill more Lannisters than anyone else she knows and that he knows more about her than she probably knows about herself. I’m glad that Dany seems to be impressed with this.

This right here is a complete departure from the books (at least as far as he’s written so far), but it’s something that the books have been working toward. In the books right now Tyrion is a slave right outside Mereen who later frees himself and escapes to hide in a mercenary war camp– all the while waiting to get to meet Dany.
Dany on the other hand is out in the wilderness with Drogon who swooped into the fighting pits to eat some easy prey and she jumped on his back to try to save him from the people that wanted to kill him. Now she’s abandoned in the wilderness unable to control her dragon (which I’m pretty sure Tyrion knows the secret to this–which I’m also pretty sure is warging to control them like the Starks do to their wolves) and on her period. (Yep totally on her period– which is worth mentioning because she was told that would never happen again after she sacrificed her baby to save Drogo).

OK so all that about the dragon and the fighting pits might happen next week and if it does I apologize for the spoilers, but I’m really not sure where the writers are headed right now. Dany meeting Tyrion and actually getting advice from someone who has run Westeros before though is a great development. He knows all the houses and how they will react to her and he knows all the ways that she could take over that part of the world. Up to now she’s been getting advice from old warriors who were never politicians or people that have never been to that part of the world. I can’t wait to see what Tyrion makes of the politics of Mereen and how long he comes to the same conclusion I did— the dragons need to be seen and feared. Without her dragons she has no power.

Needless to say though Tyrion and Dany working together is going to be something amazing to watch.

Oh and Jorah is sad and gets banished–rubs some on his greyscale and then returns to the fighting pits. I’m not sure what his play is here, but I’m curious as to why he did this.

Cersei

The Queen is locked away without food or water until she confesses. We see her get struck across the face with a wooden spoon when she refuses to do so. She finally gets to hear the charges against her (fornication, treason and incest– not far off the mark there) and told that none of her family is coming to save her. Not even Jaime (remember– as Tyrion left he told Jaime that Cersei was having sex with everyone she could and he can’t get that out of his mind. Of course in the show he’s in Dorne, but still not racing back to her.

She rounds out this episode by licking water off the nasty floor. So things are going great for her.

Arya

Arya is working on her lying skills and is telling Jaqen all about her life at the canals. She makes an adorable oyster saleswoman. She is being given her first job in this new role and is figuring out what she’s supposed to do. She’s been given the job of killing an insurance salesman who isn’t paying out to widows.

This right now is going along pretty evenly with the books. Except instead of Lana of the Canals she’s Cat of the Canals and is given the same task, but told it has to look like he just died. It cannot look like murder at all. I liked that she was Cat in the books because is spoke to her life with her mother as well as her new found ability to warg into animals besides her wolf. Also they aren’t mentioning that she’s having wolf dreams every night and that her connection with her wolf back in the Riverlands is growing stronger. I really wish they would touch on the whole warging thing more because I feel like that’s going to be important later on. . .but I’m not a writer for the show so. . . .

Sansa and Theon/Reek

Sansa confronts Theon about him telling on her. Theon is 100% Reek in this scene, but she manages to find out that Bran and Rickon really aren’t dead. Theon lets it slip, but runs away when he realizes what he’s admitted to. Hopefully this means that he’s finally working his way out of Ramsey’s control. Maybe. Hopefully.

In the books he’s cowed still by Ramsey, but with the arrival of the outsiders that have come for the wedding Theon is given a little more status since the guests expect to see Theon the prince there not Reek the servant. The storyline that I’m really sad they’ve left out is that Mance wasn’t really killed at the wall, but a wildling called Rattleshirt was and Mance has taken Rattleshirt’s place with the help of magic from Melisandre. She then changes his appearance again and is sent to Winterfell as a traveling minstrel and his “sisters” aka other wildling women meant to look like regular camp followers. They are sent to break “Arya” out and get Theon to help with this. I’m really sad they left all this out because it creates some warm feelings towards Melisandre– who hasn’t needed any up to now and it shows the ingenuity of the wildlings around the Boltons.

The Boltons

They are discussing Stannis and his plans and Ramsey offers to take 20 men out into the snow to take down Stannis. Lets just say they are both insane and horrible people and then just move on from this right now. I’m sure it will be gross and graphic later on.

The Wall

So we see Gilly and Sam being all awkward and post coital, but then Olly manages to come in and be Debbie Downer. He expresses his doubts about what Jon is doing and his hatred for the Wildlings. Olly is a new character and I really don’t know why there is such an emphasis on his character unless it’s just to remind you that the Wildlings aren’t all nice people and they’ve done horrible things.

Meanwhile Jon has landed at Hardhome with Tormund to try to negotiate with the Wildlings there to come back and help the Night’s Watch hold the Wall. Evidently Rattleshirt (aka Lord of Bones) is the leader of this group and he doesn’t want anything to do with the new arrivals (remember I mentioned him earlier and how he was killed by Melisandre). Welp he keeps insulting Tormund so Tormund takes his staff from him and beats him to death with it. All the Wildlings doubt Jon’s word, but eventually everyone but the Thenn’s agree to go with Jon and they very very slowly start getting on boats.

They load up a good number people and then suddenly the wights attacked the walls and for some reason instead of loading the boats faster they stood around and stared at the skeletal beings that were breaking down the walls. They move from staring at them to fighting them which does about as much good (once again why are they not sticking people into boats as fast as possible?).

Then all of a sudden the White Walkers themselves show up and Jon gets into a fight with one that looks like it’s not going to end well for Jon when a theory from the books is finally confirmed in that although all other blades have shattered against the White Walkers Jon’s holds up. It not only holds up it kills the Walker and turns the tide of the battle.

The reason this is true is because Jon’s sword is Valyrian steel and forged with magic from Ancient Valyria as well as dragon’s breath (dragon steel is another name for it– which sounds familiar like dragon glass you could say). Then as the people load the last of the ships that are able to escape Captain Barbossa  the Night’s King (aka the head White Walker) shows up and tells the boys to take a walk. The furious onslaught of the undead is more than the remainder can handle and the battle is soon lost. The Night’s King then reanimates all the dead and Jon stares on in horror from his (painfully slowly) retreating boat.

So this doesn’t happen at all in the books. He does send people to Hardhome to try to save them and bring them back to the Wall, but he doesn’t go himself. Also in the books the whole Valyrian steel theory hasn’t been tested yet, but Sam suspects that it will work. I’m pretty sure this was an interlude for everyone watching to allow them some action in a otherwise battle light season. I do question the wight and White Walker’s lack of fear of fire. In the books and the show they have been scared or at least repelled by fire, but aren’t phased at all by it this go round.

There are a lot of revelations this episode, fan theories proven right and fan desires made true. I have to say even though I don’t always support their departures from the books, it is making it an interesting watch.

Game of Thrones: Sons of the Harpy. When Cersei Screws Herself for a Change.

Jaime and Bronn

Once again we are in uncharted territory. In the books Jaime is off being an interesting character  a peacemaker for his King and here we see him making moony eyes at Tarth and explaining that he’s doing all this for his “niece” and to avoid a war. Book Jaime would have also done everything he could to avoid war, but he didn’t do this. Bronn was off killing off his wife’s family so that she would inherit and although I loved that about him he makes a good sidekick for Jaime’s adventures.

Their stealth mission is all for nothing though because they are not only found out, but they also kill a bunch of people while doing so. I wonder if this is meant to replace the scene where Myrcella’s Kingsguard was killed and she lost an ear. I could see that, but I also have a feeling that there will be a lot of blood spilled before Jaime leaves Dorne and probably just as awesomely as it is in this episode.

and who would that be?

Cersei

Cersei is busy thinking she’s super smart. She sends off daddy Tyrell after refusing his loan of gold. He’s to negotiate with The Iron Bank to get a better rate for the money they have loaned The Seven Kingdoms. The Iron Bank is kinda like borrowing money from a loan shark– that offered reasonable rates. It’s all cool as long as you’re paying it back, but if you decide not too then they break your legs. Or kill you.

She’s obviously trying to separate the Tyrells for her next move. Reinstating the Faith Militant. She sees this as a totally awesome idea. They can punish people who sin and she won’t be expected to save them. She then sets up the Tyrells for their fall. She’s not really thinking this through though. A church that is that upset about gays and fornicators probably isn’t going to be cool with a girl that cheated on her husband with her brother. Incest is totes not cool either.

Her cousin that is also had an affair with is now sporting a cool scar (ouch) and arrests Loras for his indiscretions. Yep this is going to go great Cersei.

The new King and Queen

Margaery is incensed at the actions of the church and gets Tommen to confront his mother to have Loras released. In response Cersei sends Tommen to confront the church (which if she knew what she had really created she would know that’s a horrible idea) and he isn’t allowed to talk to the High Sparrow. Tommen then learns of what happens when your wife asks for something and you don’t deliver.

Stannis

Stannis’ weirdo wife talks to Stannis about how much she dislikes Jon Snow and how gross she finds her daughter. I don’t like the Red Woman, but I am glad she stood up for Shireen.

Shireen goes to see her father later and he speaks to her of his childhood and is much more personable than he ever was in the books. He talks about how he’s proud of her and how she contracted greyscale. I have to say he moved up a few pegs in my book from this speech. He’s still an ass, but a little bit less of one.

Jon Snow

Jon is faced with having to ask Roose Bolton for help even though Roose is the one responsible for Robb and Catelyn’s deaths and so many of Jon’s other friends. He does the honorable thing of course and signs the letter.

Then in comes Melisandre to make things super uncomfortable. She asks Jon to march south to Winterfell with Stannis to help with the siege there. He states again that he’s of the Night’s Watch now and not meant to take part in the wars of the realm. Even though a creeper is asking I’m sure he’d love to go rip Roose Bolton’s throat out. She then gets uncomfortably close and undresses herself. Jon seems to be falling for it– and I for one didn’t like how far he went along with it before stopping it. The big take away from that interaction though is the statement that she made that he could cast shadows. So she sees that there is something powerful inside of Jon Snow. It is somewhat a confirmation for all of us R+L=J shippers and maybe proof that she has begun to see him in her fires now.

Because he’s totally Lyanna’s kid

Sansa

She’s walking around the crypts lighting the candles talking to Petyr about her family and he offers the second R+L=J clue of the evening talking about how Rhaegar chose Lyanna at the tournament at Harrenhall. Sansa then responded with the party line that Lyanna was kidnapped and raped, but Sansa is an idiot so what does she know.

Petyr does reveal that he has somewhat of a plan to bring down Roose Bolton and warns Sansa to not trust any of them and to use Ramsey. I wonder if Petyr really is so clueless as to what kind of boy Ramsey Snow Bolton is. Roose is cunning and dangerous, but Ramsey is batsh*t crazy. Roose skins his victims in private while Ramsey does even worse things behind closed doors.

First of all–gross and secondly– pretty sure you’re already married Sansa.

The Sand Snakes

If you haven’t picked up on it they are all warriors. So in the books there are tons more of these women and they are all of Oberyn’s bastard daughters. They do try to rise up, but the Prince of Dorne crushes them and finally explains his true plans for revenge. It looks like they are taking a bloodier and different course. But who knows Jaime’s story and the Sand Snake’s story is just starting.

Jorah and Tyrion

Jorah is still trying to find his way and Tyrion is now trying to make the best of this situation. I do love that Tyrion throws it in Jorah’s face that he’s taking Tyrion to the same place that he was trying to go himself. I do think Tyrion would be good for Dany, but even in the books I doubted her ever trusting him. I do wonder if he ends up helping her with her dragon problem and winning her trust that way though. That’s just my theory.

Dany and Co.

Dany is still trying to figure out this ruling thing– evidently it’s still hard, but Barristan distracts her with a story about Rhaegar that once again show that he’s not this rapist warmonger that we were led to believe, but that he might truly be a super duper nice guy. Say a guy that would run off with a girl from the North and have a baby with her.I mean– sounds like that’s a possibility.

They then take another turn from the books and have the Sons of the Harpy attack the Unsullied to which Barristan runs to help and help he does. But with very sad results. Yes he kills way more people than you’d expect and appears to save Grey Worm’s life. However that only results in the loss of his own and Grey Worm seems to be dying as well. I’m assuming they are doing this to shake up this story line and if it makes Dany less boring I’m all for it even though I’m super sad that Ser Barristan had to die to achieve this.

So just in case I didn’t do a good job explaining it– I found this handy dandy explanation on Tumblr of all the Rhaegar and Lyanna theory confirmations:

Game of Thrones: High Sparrow. The one where they throw the books out the window– like Bran.

This week’s episode shows us what they meant when they said they were changing things from the books. They totally weren’t kidding about that.

Arya

She is striving to become no one yet she is holding onto her anger and her past. She continues her prayers and her hoard of treasures that she gathered since her escape from King’s Landing. Jaqen H’ghar is very mysterious here talking about how A Man behaves and who A Man is. I feel like I should start talking like that. “A Woman needs you to take out the trash.” That works right?

There is a young blind girl– or what appears to be a young blind girl who works there who begins to hit Arya when she questions her. Before Arya can kill her though Jaqen points out to her that Arya cannot become a faceless man while still holding on to her name. This leads Aray to throw away all her belongings– well all of them but Needle which she stashes in a crevice.

I’m so glad they left this scene in– in fact I’m going to just quote the book:

“It’s just a stupid sword,” she said, aloud this time…
… but it wasn’t.
Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell’s grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan’s stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow’s smile.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

I feel like if she had given up Needle that she would have been lost for good. One other thing that the show hasn’t done well with Arya is show that she’s still having wolf dreams. This whole time she’s been living through her wolf at night– seeing what she sees and killing with her. Unlike Sansa, who lost her wolf, Arya is still connected to the North through her wolf. And through Needle.

Later on Jaqen takes her to learn how to clean the dead and starts her on her journey to become a faceless man. Which is important too, but not as many feels as the scene with Needle.

Margaery and Tommen

First of all– gross. If we want to cover departures from the books this is one of those. In the books Tommen is a whopping 8 or 9 years old and his favorite thing to do is stamping his royal seal on documents. So obviously they don’t consummate their marriage. Actually Cersei tries to frame Margaery later on in the books for cheating on Tommen. She assumes that an older woman would have a sexual appetite and although she might be right– it back fires on her just a bit. So although some of the resulting scenes are hilarious after their wedding night all I could think was– wow that’s disgusting. I know in the show he’s older, but still not that much older.

Margaery is an amazing manipulator though. She takes Tommen’s virginity and then pushes all the right buttons to begin to push Cersei out of the way. Cersei tries to do the same to Tommen the next day, but he turns it around on her. He’s begun talking about sending her away and that scares Cersei more than anything. Sorry mom– I’m pretty sure that the carrot is going to do a lot more than the stick in this instance. And once again even that analogy grosses me out. He’s a little boy.

Cut to Cersei interrupting Margaery talking about all the sex that she had last night with her child husband. Other than the child molestery comments Margaery is perfection. She issues barb after barb in Cersei’s direction. She mentions over and over again how old Cersei is and how she isn’t of any importance anymore. Well played Margaery, well played. Even if you did just have gross sex.

Disgustingly well played

Reek

It rhymes with meek. And grossed out. Poor Theon. The changes to show from the books have actually been in Theon’s favor– I hope for Sansa’s sake that it continues that way.

Sansa

Littlefinger has arranged for Sansa to marry Ramsey Snow Bolton and then stands uncomfortably close to convince her to go through with it. The only thing I can hope is that his speech about avenging her family means that he’s going to take the part of Lord Manderly from the books and is really plotting against the Boltons. After all Roose Bolton had a big hand in killing Caitlin Stark– the woman he truly loved.

This is the first huge departure I’ve seen this season from the books. In the books the Lannisters send “Arya Stark” to marry Ramsey Bolton. The Arya they have is a childhood friend of Sansa though that is just pretending to be Arya. Horrible. horrible things happen to this pretender and her situation leads Jon Snow into making decisions that are detrimental to his health. So I’m curious to see where they are going with this.

But in the show Sansa ends up back at Winterfell and Ramsey’s bitches (his term for them) look on– knowing what her fate will be if she marries Ramsey.

Pod and Brienne

We get to hear more of their back stories and we see why these two are how they are. Brienne has been horribly mistreated all her life because of her size and build. Brienne was loyal to Renly because of his actions towards her and I think we all can empathize with that sentiment.

Pod was similarly saved by the Lannisters because of his heritage (Pod is the relative of Ser Ilyn Payne– the King’s Justice who in the books received the Stark’s Valyrian steel sword, Ice. Until it gets melted down into 2 swords that is). He talks of his time with Tyrion with fondness as he’s one of the few  people that has seen Tyrion for what he is worth.

This was a nice scene for all the feels– and to keep us from forgetting about these two.

Jon Snow

He’s now the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and is still receiving pressure from Stannis to take Winterfell. Stannis then announces that he is going to march on Winterfell and they discuss the fate of the Wildlings. I have to say I was glad when he left though and he talked to Davos. Davos has a similar sense of honor, but with a pirate/smuggler feel to it and I feel like this is the first real conversation Jon has had with any of Stannis’ camp.

We are mostly on par with what happened in the books here with just a little less detail. This is one of the stories that I don’t understand why they are speeding up. Unless it’s just because the scenes at The Wall are dark and depressing.

Jon later splits up duties assigning a few menial duties and naming Ser Alliser first Ranger. He then tries to assign one of the broken down tower to Lord Janos Slynt. Slynt refuses which doesn’t go quite like he expected it to. Jon beheads him there in the yard for all to see. But really what other choice did he have? Here are some more book excerpts to explain the situation better:

Alliser Thorne smiled a thin smile, his black eyes fixed on Jon. At another table, Godry the Giantslayer began to laugh. “As you will.” Jon nodded to Iron Emmett. “Please take Lord Janos to the Wall— ”

and confine him to an ice cell , he might have said. A day or ten cramped up inside the ice would leave him shivering and feverish and begging for release, Jon did not doubt. And the moment he is out, he and Thorne will begin to plot again . And tie him to his horse , he might have said. If Slynt did not wish to go to Greyguard as its commander, he could go as its cook. It will only be a matter of time until he deserts, then. And how many others will he take with him?

“— and hang him,” Jon finished

Of course that’s not exactly how it ended:

“He would not dare to hang me. Janos Slynt has friends, important friends, you’ll see …” The wind whipped away the rest of his words.

This is wrong , Jon thought. “Stop.” Emmett turned back, frowning. “My lord?”

“I will not hang him,” said Jon. “Bring him here.”
“Oh, Seven save us,” he heard Bowen Marsh cry out. The smile that Lord Janos Slynt smiled then had all the sweetness of rancid butter.

Until Jon said, “Edd, fetch me a block,” and unsheathed Longclaw.

Jon really shows off how perfect he is from here on out. Which of course bodes well right?

I totally wouldn’t want to cut someone’s head off.

The High Sparrow

The High Septon is drug out of a brothel naked and made to walk back in front of everyone nude. He goes to complain to the small council and Cersei sees it as an opportunity to put someone in her debt into the High Septon’s place. So she goes to find the “High Sparrow” or the leader of the refugees that have come into the city.

He is a devout man that follows the law perfectly and stands by what he did to the High Septon. She behaves that she totally agrees and has arrested the High Septon and thinks that her and the Sparrows are on the same page. This will be important later.

In the books the High Septon was actually pulled to pieces during the riots and his crown stolen. The church then flounders for a while and shows it’s corruption while trying to find a new High Septon. This leaves it primed for the Sparrows to step in and take control– which they do.

I was shown a theory about the High Sparrow that I had somehow missed and I really really hope that it ends up to be true. I’ll just post it here though and tell me what you think. That would just be amazing.

We also get a glimpse of Qyburn’s project and are given the impression that he’s working on a Frankenstein like monster– which isn’t too far off.

He is special.

Tyrion

He utters his famous last words about how everything will be fine and he’ll blend in. Which of course he doesn’t at all. They take in a speech from the League of Assassins– I mean a Red Priestess and Tyrion of course draws her attention. So they follow that up with a restful evening at a brothel. A brothel that just happens to have Jorah Mormont in it as well. As soon as he can he snags Tyrion and proclaims he’s going to take Tyrion to the Queen. Now some watchlings might hear that and think that Jorah is going to take Tyrion to Cersei so he can reclaim his home and his title. However they’d be hella wrong. That is unless HBO is taking a huge left turn and really changing the story. Jorah is going to try to take Tyrion to Dany and try win her favor back.

As far as what’s happening on the show versus what’s happening in the books they’ve cut out about half a book’s worth of what Tyrion was doing. I’m not really sure why they did that since they are basing these shows on books that are running out of content. You’d think they’d flesh out what material they have instead, but I’m not in charge of this show obviously so I wonder if they are going to bring it around full circle or if this is one of the areas they also make big changes. We’ll see next week!

Cause Jorah just has ball gags laying around. . .for reasons.

Game of Thrones: The Wars to Come. They are deviating from the books?! EVERYONE RIOT!

So we’ve heard so much about how the books and show are not really going to coincide in the future and people have been upset.  My response? Duh. GRRM is busy looking like a boat captain troll instead of finishing the books. Right now I’m waiting for GRRM to die so Brandon Sanderson can take over the series, finish the rest of the books in about six months and create a better written book then we’ve gotten so far. He did it for Robert Jordan and did a masterful job.

As always though I will hit the highlights of this episode and note any changes/deviations from the book series. Sometimes– like in the case of Sansa– this isn’t the worst thing. BE WARNED!! There are so very many spoilers in this post that if you haven’t read the books or if you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole of the Internet theories you should stop reading this now. I’m going to cover what happened in the show vs what happened in the books and to throw some spoilers on top I’m also going to talk about theories I have.

Maggy the Frog

Maggy is a fortune teller that Cersei and two friends met with in Lannisport. The fortune that Maggy gives Cersei in the show is pretty much what she told her in the books. Of course she thinks that Maggy means that she will marry Rheagar, but obviously that’s not what she meant. She also told Cersei that the “valonqar” would “wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.” Valonqar means little brother in High Valyrian so she of course takes it to mean that Tyrion is going to kill her, but what she’s ignoring is that Jaime is also her little brother. Also Maggy wasn’t super specific about everything so it could just be a younger brother of someone else. However, when it’s all said and done there are so many people that want to kill her it’ll probably be someone we don’t care about that kills her.

The show left out the other friend (who ran away before getting her fortune read anyway) so I would have left her out too, and they left out the friend that was there getting her fortune told. The other girl asked Maggy if she would marry Jaime and Maggy told her she would die that night. It’s implied that Cersei pushed her down a well to die and I feel like she did so because she was interested in Jaime. Cersei wanted to marry Rheagar at this point, but I don’t think she would have ever shared Jaime with anyone.

This fortune telling is very important in the upcoming time period because Cersei becomes obsessed with killing Tyrion because she thinks he will not only kill her, but hurt her remaining children as well.

Tywin’s Funeral

Cersei storms in to see her father and ignores all the people she needs politically. She once again shows that Tyrion is the better Lannister. She lays the blame of Tywin’s death on Jaime’s feet and wants Tyrion’s head to pay for his crimes. She has a big long crazy rant here, but we all knew she was crazy.

The big thing they left out of this part is that he smelled so bad. People were sick during the funeral because he smelled like a sewer. It is possible that Tywin was already poisoned by the Martells and would have died anyway. He also dried out very strangely which made it appear that he was smiling in a crazy manner. Both the smell and the smile hurt the tone of this event and make Cersei even crazier. I do wish they’d left in the smell thing because Cersei showed her craziness even more by blaming the Sisters who prepared the body of trying to harm his reputation.

Tyrion 

OK they take another big departure here, but I think it’s all going to end up in the same place. Last night Tyrion showed up across the narrow sea at an estate with Varys and he’s given the option to stay there and drink himself to death or to go with Varys to Meereen to help restore Dany to her throne. Jokes and quips are made, but he finally agrees to go with Varys.

In the books he ends up at Illyrio Mopatis’ estate and is sent off with people in obvious disguise to meet Dany. Tyrion eventually figures out that one of the people in the crew is an exiled– believed dead Lord and Rheagar’s young son that is also thought to be dead. It is never clear if he’s actually the boy or if he’s a good impostor, but he’s been raised to one day return to King’s Landing to take his throne back. He’s going to Dany though because she has dragons– and a dragon must have three heads after all. Which in my theory world is Dany, Jon and one other person I can’t 100% decide on.

In the books not everything works out as expected (yes– shocking I know), but he still ends up in Meereen. He just isn’t in a position to gain audience with Dany. So sure they’re skipping all that so he can go with Varys and more characters don’t have to be introduced. I get that, but does that mean that Rheagar’s child is an impostor? Or that his storyline isn’t important? Cause if it’s not that is a lot to write about someone that doesn’t matter.

Back with Dany

Dany is destroying the Harpy and is still meeting resistance within this city. This whole story drives me crazy. Dany can’t figure out why she can’t rule. Dany has locked up her dragons. Dany allows the people of the city to push her around and murder her Unsullied. OK here’s the thing. You have dragons– mother of dragons– how about you burn this mother down and then the next city you try to rule will listen to you when you tell them what to do. Quit bowing and scraping and act.

They don’t deviate that much from the books. Dany suddenly becomes weak and uninteresting in those as well. Don’t worry by the end of book 5 she begins to become interesting again.

Castle Black

Jon is training young kids and Sam is being mocked. So it’s business as usual. Really what they are doing is setting up what is about to happen with Jon Snow. Some aspects of this story they have sped up and others they’ve slowed down. I’m not really sure why they’ve done this, but I’m not going to spoil too much here. Just Melisandre is a super creeper towards Jon Snow and I don’t understand why her hair looks so dark.

They have Mance Rayder in custody and have told him that he must bend the knee or he will be burned. He chooses the second option and we see him put on a pyre. Jon Snow shoots an arrow into him which interrupts the sacrifice to the Red God and doesn’t please Stannis or any of his crew.

In the books Mance is killed in a similar way, but dies begging for his life and claiming that he wasn’t really Mance. Later Jon Snow finds out that Melisandre has put a spell on Mance and Rattleshirt so they they look like each other and it was really Rattleshirt that was killed. Mance plays a big role later in an attempt to save Arya. So I’m interested if they somehow save this plot line as it was one that made you like Melisandre a little. Right now she’s just a weirdo that likes sex with odd people, gives birth to demon babies and likes fire on an unhealthly level.

Stannis did offer Winterfell to Jon Snow and the hand of the “wildling princess” but Jon turned it down. He wanted Winterfell, but he won’t abandon his vows and he won’t take this thing that should have been Robb’s or Bran’s. Stannis and Melisandre deserve each other.

We’re twinsies!

Sansa and Littlefinger

We see Littlefinger plotting and double speaking about Sansa’s name. I wish that Robin (aka Robert) had been left with someone to be beaten into the ground. It probably would make a man of him. Sadly though in the books Sansa is still playing the part of Littlefinger’s bastard daughter and having to deal with a crying little boy that for some reason is always rubbing on her breasts. I rarely say that I am happy that a show departs from the book, but right now I’m glad I don’t have to see that. I do wish Sansa would grow up though and stop going along with Littlefinger’s plots.

Brienne and Pod

Arya has run off and refused Brienne’s help while Pod is trying to motivate his “knight.” Brienne is kind of a cod to Pod here and all he’s trying to do is help her. This is another departure from the books, but I’m hoping that they will get back to what happens in the books. I won’t say too much about it just in case– but it has to do with zombies, Jaime Lannister and hangings. (Sansa is tantalizingly passing them in a carriage with Littlefinger– I guess to build tension).

Cersei

Cersei is bored at the reception for her father. She’s being forced to listen to everyone talk about how amazing her father was and how no one will ever match his greatness. Instead of taking these at what they are– platitudes– she assumes that they are slights aimed at her. She sees herself as Tywin Lannister the second– only with breasts to better manipulate those around her. Her anger is growing at the arranged marriage that was put in place for Tommen and as her drinking begins to increase so does her quest for absolute power. Now did they say all that in the show? Nope. but that’s what’s happening in the books and that’s what I picked up on through her body language in this episode.

The big thing that happens in this segment is that Lancel (her first cousin whom she had an affair with after Robert’s death– during Jaime’s capture) implies that he might let everyone know about their “unnatural relations” and about how he made sure that Robert was so drunk during his boar hunt that an accident was almost guaranteed. Cersei feigns ignorance, but it’s obvious that this is driving her crazy. It’s yet another area that she doesn’t have absolute control.

This is a understandable departure from the books. In the series he is given the land of Darry and is forced to take a wife. Instead of doing his husbandly duties he chooses to spend all of his time in prayer. Jaime is witness to all of this– and to his wife’s promiscuity during his march to face the Blackfish. Jaime is actually the one who talks to Lancel and hears about the boar hunt and his relationship with Cersei. This just reinforces all the things that Tyrion said to him during his escape. That Cersei was having sex with Lancel, the Kettleblacks and Moon Boy (the last one being a quip, but sticks in his mind). Later– when Cersei requests his return– for reasons– Jamie ignores her because of what she has done. He sees their incestuous relationship as something pure and he’s never desired or taken another woman, but has now found out that Cersei was just using him too for her own gains. This revelation is a big turning point for Jaime’s character and I wonder how they will replace that exchange in the show since Cersei ended up being the one to deal with Lancel.

Creeper of the Year Award

Margaery Tyrell

A couple friends of mine and I watched this as it aired and before the episode started I guessed that we’d see 5 pairs of boobs before the end of the episode, and although we fell short of that I feel like I should be able to add in all the bare butts that we got a view of. This scene opens up on Margaery’s brother Loras and his new lover doing lover-y things and Margaery walks right in and sits on the bed. She claims that she’s hungry and that they are late to see the King, but it’s super awkward. I don’t care that Loras is in there with another man– you don’t walk in on your brother nude with someone else and make yourself a spot on the bed to chat. I get as hangry as the next person, but nope. She seems to be checking out Olyvar just as much as her brother was. They have a brief discussion about Tywin’s death and the impact that that will have on Loras’ engagement to Cersei. Margaery is obviously plotting something. Although a scene not in the books– this is right on target as to what was going on between these two. The only thing I don’t think they have emphasized enough is Margaery’s reputation among court. She’s a woman that was married (to a man that was well known as gay though) and has been wedded to Tommen’s older brother, but as soon as she’s promised to Tommen she adopts a childlike attitude. She’s surrounded by maidens and they occupy themselves with everything that is good and innocent and sweet. That’ll be important later on.

Tyrion and Varys

We see Tyrion in much better shape, but still drinking heavily. They discuss the plan to take Tyrion to Meereen and Varys goal to bring peace to King’s Landing. I’ve talked about this earlier, but any scene with Peter Dinklage should be mentioned again.

Dany in Meereen

She’s still ruling like a queen that has been in power for a long time and not a queen that is struggling for power. Dany is listening to the wrong people and taking the wrong advice. Once again she’s the Mother of Dragons and she has her dragons chained up in the pyramids. She’s so concerned with the dragons killing other people that she’s letting the rebellion kill her people.

My theory is that to control the dragons you have to be able to warg into them a little. Like the Starks control their Direwolves. Dany just hasn’t figured out how to do it on purpose. When she was hurt and alone after their birth she did it by instinct. Now she has lost herself and her power.

Overall I’m not super concerned with their departures from the books because they are going to have to adapt to the fact that they have almost completely caught up with what has been written by GRRM and they need to foreshadow what is coming and we might see things that we don’t understand. I just wish that I could read it before I see it.

Game of Thrones: The Children. A Shot Though the Heart. . .or wherever whores go. . .

Finales are almost always full of surprises and shocking twists and reveals. This episode was no different and of course they left out/made changes so that all of us readers would be angry surprised.

We see Jon walking out to treat with Mance Rayder.  He does it bravely and walks right up to certain death.  Well at least in the books it was certain death, here it looks like they have a tea party (pinkies out Jon Snow!). Mance asks for passage through the Wall for his people to ensure their safety against what is rising (aka the Whitewalkers). During their meeting Mance gives Jon food and drink therefore he’s been offered guest right and it would be a huge deal if he was killed or killed Mance. There have been people who have ignored that sacred agreement in the past and it has resulted in horrific results (The Red Wedding and Craster’s Keep).

During this exchange suddenly Stannis shows up and I have to say this was beautifully shot.  The army sweeping in was impressive. Mance realizes he is surrounded and tells his people to stand down (although how they are supposed to have heard him all over camp I’m unsure). Things that are important here are the facts that Mance refuses to kneel when surrendering and that Jon, although acknowledges that Stannis is the Kings, doesn’t take any crap from him.  Jon is a man of the Night’s Watch and the Night’s Watch is an entity unto it’s own.  They are not suppose to involve themselves in issues not concerning the Wall.

What the Watchlings don’t know

I touched on it last week, but once again, Jon was forced to go out and meet with Mance by people at the Wall that wished him dead.  He was expected to be killed by the Wildlings because of his betrayal of them.  This probably would have occurred as well if Stannis hadn’t shown up like he did. Mance does just want his people to cross.  He has seen just a bit of the horrors that are coming and wants to bring his people to safety past the Wall.  Jon will later come up with a very interesting solution to this problem.

Now back to The Mountain and Cersei.  I told you last week to not give up on the Viper yet.  The weapon that Oberyn used while fighting Gregor was poisoned with Manticore  venom which is deadly with no known cure. So not only is The Mountain dying– he’s dying an horrific death. Pycelle recommends the milk of the poppy to ease him into an easy death, but Qyburn says that he may know a way to help him.  Against Pycelle’s objections Cersei gives Qyburn permission to work on Gregor.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Qyburn isn’t a Maester.  He was kicked out of the Citadel for experiments he did on the dead and dying and doesn’t have a Maester’s chain.  Cersei however begins using him as her Maester and allows him to experiment on Gregor and other prisoners in the black cells.  Also the Mountain is in great pain from the Manticore venom and in the books his screams can be heard all over the castle.  He was finally moved down to the black cells to muffle the sound. The venom was eating slowly through his skin and nothing they did helped.  Qyburn later brings up a huge skull and claims the Mountain to be dead.  That skull was sent to Dorne as proof of his death, but later Qyburn will trot out a huge man that doesn’t speak, eat, drink or pee named Ser Robert Strong.  Ser Robert also never removes his armor and his face is never seen. If he even has a face.

Everything went Cersei’s way with Pycelle and Qyburn so I guess she figured it was a good time to confront her dad.  Cut to Cersei and Tywin arguing over if she is getting married or not. My thing is that he was trying to marry her to a gay man (here– not so much in the books) so that’s probably her best option.  Loras probably wouldn’t have had an issue with her and Jaime doing it all the time.  One less thing for him to do.

However it was glorious to watch her tell Tywin about her and Jaime. Cersei almost looks like a good mother with her speech about how much she loves Tommen and what she will do to save him from Tywin. She pushes her’s and Jaime’s relationship into his face and then scampers off to have sex with Jaime again. Of course Jaime doesn’t see this for what it is.  Cersei verifying that Jaime is on her side again.  She offers up herself to seal the deal.  She hopes that someone walks in (namely their father) and catches them in the act.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Cersei is the most manipulative person ever.  Oh wait. . .you got that one.  OK then, Jaime is about to be fed up with Cersei and things are about to become interesting for her.  Let’s just say next season laying on a table having sex with Jaime will not be the position that she’s in.

Now we move on to Dany trying to rule Meereen. I’ve said it before and I”ll say it again I hate her story line from now until the end of the 5th book. She’s torn between freeing the slaves and allowing the slaves that want to go back to their masters go back. As it has always been with slavery there are a very few people that are treated well while being captives. They are one of the family and want to go back to that position.  Now that being said the Masters will try to take advantage of this and this is just the start of the bad news for Dany.  Next we see a man crying and delivering his 3 year old little girl’s bones claiming that Drogon flew from the sky and killed her.  Ummmm yeah Dany. . .I got some news for you: you have dragons. . .they are kind of dangerous. I thought you knew that about them.

Her amazing answer to this to lock up the two dragons that she still has some control over.  Cause yeah if you have a vicious animal it helps them if you lock them up on a short chain away from any contact with humans. Also the dragons were the only thing the people of Meereen were afraid of so now the Masters will have even more power to manipulate her. Good job Dany.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Dany is so concerned with the safety of her people that she forgets how to be strong. She forgets that she is a dragon. I’m also going to step into theory land here for a bit. I think the way that dragons are controlled are the same way that the direwolves are controlled. As in they each need a warg to communicate with. Dany doesn’t realize this and doesn’t know how to make this connection with her dragons. I’ve stated it in other places too, but if you don’t want a big spoiler– skip the next sentence: Dany will finally figure out how to warg/communicate with Drogon, Jon Snow will make a connection with Viserion and then the other true Targaryen will get Rhaegal (Tyrion, Aegon, someone yet unknown?).

Next we get to see the Night’s watch burn their dead.  OK a touching scene for the most part, but they would have stripped the dead. Yes is normal times maybe a dead man would have been buried in his armor or boiled leather, but during war?  Even an officer would be stripped down to his bare skin as to not waste good clothing or armor. OK end rant.

Otherwise this is a touching scene showing the price of war.  Also an important thing is that The Red Woman and Jon look at each other through the fire. The continuation of this scene is just as interesting.  Tormund and Jon talk about how the dead Wildlings should be handled and Tormund tells Jon that Ygritte really loved him.  That he knew because she wanted to kill him. They then have a cryptic exchange about how she belongs to the true North.  Which Jon takes to mean that she needs to be burned next to a heart tree so that she is given back to the old gods.  You can tell that Jon is shaken.

What the Watchlings don’t know

The Red Woman is going to become very interested in Jon Snow in the next bit. In some ways this is good and in some ways this is bad.  Also remember that she’s still dying to burn a king alive to wake the stone dragon and they have Mance Rayder (aka The King Beyond the Wall) in custody now. If you wonder why she’s interested in Jon just Google R+L=J. I haven’t written my theories on all this yet, but there is plenty on the Internet to occupy you for the next few hours/days about that.

Jojen, Meera, Hodor, Summer and Bran are trudging along to get to the Three Eyed Crow (or Raven as they call it) and when all seems lost they finally see the Weirwood tree they have been searching for. Seems to easy right? Right. Suddenly “Pirates of the Caribbean”  style a bunch of skeletons pop out of the ice and start attacking them. Bran of course takes over Hodor and begins getting things done. Jojen is yelling for Bran to save himself and then gets stabbed in the stomach numerous times. The Children of the Forest appear and save Bran with fire and Meera slits Jojen’s throat as a mercy killing.  Safe in the tree protected by its magic Bran finds the Three Eyed Crow only to find out that he will still never walk again. (Duh). So he’s reached his goal, he found out that the TEC is some old man with a weirwood growing into him, and Jojen is dead. Yay!  Happy ending!  Hmmm not so much.

What the Watchlings don’t know

So they should have had this guide from from moment they passed over the Wall. The guide’s name is Coldhands and he appears to be a wight, but can talk and seems to be working to help them. He saves them from the attack that is shown in this episode by calling the ravens that he controls to attack the wights. Also he’s probably a dead Stark. And he’s cool.

So in the books Jojen isn’t dead yet.  Now there’s a theory that he is dead, but Bran doesn’t know it yet, but he definitely isn’t dead at this moment in the story.  With George RR Martin supervising I guess that it’ll all work out, but I don’t really see the upside to killing Jojen off early.  Unless maybe his Phineas and Ferb schedule was too demanding.

Ahhh Brienne and Pod.  Our comic relief! Yay for happy times. Right? Oh yeah– we’re watching Game of Thrones.  But wait!  Now she sees Arya.  She’s found a Stark girl!  She’s going to fulfill her vows. All is right. Brienne tells Arya about her sword and Arya tells her about her sword.  They talk about how fighting is fun and they are independent women and such.  Then The Hound shows up and ruins it all. Brienne tells Arya of her vow and The Hound jumps to the wrong conclusion of why they are there. (Best line of the night: Brienne: I’ll take you to safety. The Hound: Safety? Where the f*&k is that?!) Insert fabulous fight scene where Brienne pulls a Mike Tyson and beats The Hound (go Brienne!– kinda– cause I like The Hound too).

Arya takes this time to run off and hide– what she does best and when Brienne and Pod run off to find her she returns to The Hound to check on him.  Quickly she realizes he’s going to die and he begs her to be merciful and end it. Then when she doesn’t he begins saying horrible things to her, yet she still doesn’t. Instead she grabs his money and runs away with it. This exchange between the two of them is more heartbreaking than when Jon watched Ygritte die.  I truly think that The Hound loved Sansa romantically and loved Arya like a sister/daughter. Yes he sucked at showing love, but I feel like they changed him. Sadly Arya still doesn’t care and left him there to rot.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Brienne and Pod never found Arya– she hears rumors that Arya is alive, but never actually finds her. Instead she finds a lovely character named Lady Stoneheart that I really really hope shows up next season. You may have seen the Internet explode with disappointment that she didn’t show up in the finale, but if you missed that let’s just say that I bet you didn’t see her coming.

The Hound/Arya scene does happen though.  However it’s not because of a battle with Brienne, but rather a wound from a fight that festers and she leaves him to die under a tree. It’s uncertain as to whether he actually died or not.

Dude, he kinda has a point

Finally!  Here’s the big moment. Jaime saves Tyrion from execution and they share a loving embrace at the foot of the exit. Thennnnnnnnnn Tyrion gets this calculating look on his face and heads off to visit his daddy. Of course Shea is laying naked in Tywin’s bed and is mostly shocked to see Tyrion in the room. Don’t worry he manages to strangle her with the gold chain she’s wearing. Enter the crossbow from the wall and a trip to the privy.

Tywin is obviously very surprised to be visited by the son that he thinks is locked up waiting for execution. Tywin tries to take control of the situation with forcefulness and flattery. Yeah that doesn’t work so well for him. He calls Tyrion’s bluff and gets a crossbow bolt for his troubles. That doesn’t slow down his mockery of Tyrion so he follows up with another bolt. Varys sees the situation and hurries Tyrion off to the boat. Once he hears the bells he decides to join Tyrion on the boat.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Jaime does save Tyrion and sets him free.  However before parting ways Jaime admits to lying to Tyrion about his wife Tysha.  She wasn’t a whore after all. I explain it more in depth here . This spurs him to go confront Tywin about it, he finds Shea, kills her, then kills Tywin. His shot to Tywin is through the intestines which immediately causes him to poop everywhere.  Tywin tells Tyrion before his death that Tysha went “wherever whores go” which haunts him throughout book 5.

The only other thing is that Varys doesn’t leave yet– he has a few more people to kill before he abandons King’s Landing.  However those people haven’t had huge roles in the show so maybe that’s why they chose this time to let him escape.

Arya has made it to the narrow sea and tries to buy passage on a boat to the Wall to get to Jon, but the ship isn’t going north. When she hears that the ship is going to Braavos she gives the captain the coin she got from Jaqen H’ghar and not only receives passage, but gets a cabin.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Big things are going to happen for Arya next season.  Braavos starts a big new chapter in her life that will change everything for her.

Now just to wait a year for the next season. . .

Game of Thrones: The Watchers on the Wall. You know nothing.

We are quickly approaching the season finale so we know we’re going to see a good bit of action between this episode and the next. This episode starts out with Jon and Sam talking on the top of the Wall about love and loss and death.  Sam gets Jon to talk about Ygritte and Sam admits to his desire to have sex with Gilly and pretty much says the only thing stopping him is the fact she didn’t offer.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Sam probably wanted to have sex with Gilly the whole time he was helping her, but he never would have admitted that.  In fact in the books she comes on to him pretty strong (after this time) and he turns her down repeatedly because of his vows.  Sam says that he’s a coward, but he is one of the strongest willed people on the Wall.  He sees things in right and wrong even if his idea of what is right isn’t exactly what others would agree with.  Also Jon probably wouldn’t have talked so freely about Ygritte.  He does love her and dreams of being able to truly be with her, but is ashamed of his actions with her even though The Halfhand ordered him to do whatever it took to blend in.

Moving on to Ygritte we get to hear Tormund Giantsbane tell part of his story about sleeping with a bear. Tormund is one of my favorite characters in the books and I’m sad we didn’t get to hear the whole story.  Ygritte however interrupts him and fights with the cannibal Wildlings. More specifically the leader of the Thenns.

What the Watchlings don’t know

The Thenns in the books weren’t cannibals and although they were scary dudes they weren’t creepy like these guys.  I’m guessing that the Thenns are being used to combine all the bad things about the Wildlings and to take the place of a character named Rattleshirt.  I’m not horribly upset with this change though.  I can see the sense in consolidating.

Here is that story from Tormund since it was cut short on the show:

“I was in me Ruddy Hall, with only a cask o’ mead to keep me company and nothing to do but drink it. The more I drank, the more I got thinking about this woman lived close by, a fine strong woman with the biggest pair of teats you ever saw. She had a temper on her that one, but oh, she could we warm too, and in the deep of winter a man needs his warmth.

“The more I drank, the more I thought about her, and the more I thought the harder me member got, till I couldn’t suffer it no more. Fool that I was I bundled meself up in furs from head to heels, wrapped a winding wool around me face, and set off to find her. The snow was coming down so hard I got turned around once or twice, and the wind blew right through me and froze me bones, but finally I come on her, all bundled up like I was.

“The woman had a terrible temper, and she put up quite the fight when I laid hands on her. It was all I could do to carry her home and get her out o’ them furs, but when I did, oh, she was hotter than even I remembered, and we had a fine old time, and then I went to sleep. Next morning when I woke the snow had stopped and the sun was shining, but I was in no fit state to enjoy it. All ripped and torn I was, and had me member bit right off, and there on me floor was a she-bear’s pelt. And soon enough the free folk were telling tales of this bald bear seen in the woods, with the queerest pair o’ cubs behind her. Har!” He slapped his meaty thigh. “Would that I could find her again. She was fine to lay with, that bear. Never was a woman give me such a fight, nor such strong sons neither.”

There is the theory that the “bear” he slept with was a Mormont woman, perhaps Lord Mormont’s sister. I don’t know that I buy that, but that would make for an interesting twist!

Swap back to Sam still talking about sex. Seriously Sam I don’ t think you’re supposed to tell everyone about how you want to break your vows? OK we get it you think Gilly in all her incestuous glory is hot. But wait! I bet all of you Watchlings had forgotten about Maester Aemon told Jon Snow that before he became a Maester he was Aemon Targaryen. Don’t worry they are reinforcing that again for you.

And then all of a sudden Gilly shows up with the baby and Sam suddenly gets his courage. . .right before the Wildlings show up.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Once again Sam felt strongly about Gilly, but he didn’t flagrantly flaunt any desires to break his vows or “go with her wherever she goes.” I’m guessing they are setting up this storyline to help you out a little later with some stuff that happens. . .and stuff.  But unless they speed that part of the plot along it’ll be a while before anything develops on that front.

So Maester Aemon once again brings up his heritage, probably just to remind everyone that had forgotten it since it was first told a few seasons ago.  This is important though because The Red Woman is on the hunt for King’s blood to do spells with and Aemon comes from kings.  Also it’s important because eventually even Maester Aemon will hear about Dany and her dragons.

Enter the beginning of the Wildling battle. Now I’m not one for epic battle scenes, but the show does this really well.  It was very much reminiscent of The Battle of Helms Deep.  All we needed was an elf and a dwarf competing over the number of kills and it could have been straight from The Lord of the Rings. I’m not going to break down every bit of this battle so I’ll just hit the highlights as they come about.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Janos Slynt is being used to manipulate the Wall from King’s Landing– not very well, but that’s one of the reasons he is such an ass to Jon Snow. Janos is really a horrible human being even more so than the show makes him seem. This episode showed Ser Alliser pretty much tell Jon that the was right, but he didn’t care that he was right. Yeah him and Janos get along well.  That’s all.

Also Sam is getting braver, but not quite so brave as it looks here.  I do love that they have Sam encouraging all the brothers.  He’s the last person you’d think would lend courage to others. Finally the giants should be important later on. Know that most people thought giants extinct too so just the sight of giants attacking was disconcerting for the Black Brothers.

 

Continued death and destruction from the Wildlings– all the blood and guts you could desire. Scary giants, scary mammoths, scary Wildlings. Many people die and it’s hard to keep track of all the deaths, but 0f course there is just one death that they want to you be sure to have emotional damage about. Ygritte.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Jon didn’t see Ygritte die exactly like this.  He found her after the battle with an arrow through her and then worried/dreamed that he had been the one that had killed her during the battle and didn’t realize it. She did die in his arms, but it wasn’t quite so poignant as this scene.  This is one time I will say that I prefer how it was changed to how it was written.  There was closure here.  Jon saw her, felt relief at her presence even if she did look like she was about to kill him, and then got to say goodbye after she was shot. It was nice to have a good end to this love story. And by good I mean heartbreaking end, but I think everyone knew how that would end.

Sam and Jon are walking around and leading the clean up from the battle.  Then Jon announces his intentions to go and treat with Mance Rayder and try to put an end to this without more loss of life. I want to know where Ghost is? He was let out so why is he not at Jon’s side.  I would think Jon would want him by his side during this interaction with Mance.

Last comment from the episode is that the variations on the theme song were amazing.  It was dark and pulled at one’s emotions just by hearing that familiar, yet different, line of music.  Beautiful.

What the Watchlings don’t know

Ser Alliser and Janos Slynt were not present during this battle, but showed up after it was done to talk about what should have happened.  They then forced Jon Snow to go out and meet with Mance Rayder fulling assuming that Mance would kill Jon for his betrayal.  That’s the way it appears to be going until. . . something happens that I’m assuming we’ll see next week.

I love that Jon is a strong character and seems to be in control, but also miss that level of desperation that Jon felt being sent to his most certain death.

Next week will be so very very eventful.  We have a wedding to plan, a wife to kill and Guilder to frame for it.  Or maybe a peace to negotiate, a dwarf to kill and a whore to blame for it.

Boob count: 0 (! Really HBO? I’m surprised you didn’t throw in a female giant’s boob)

Major Character Death: 1 (Ygritte)

Game of Thrones: The Mountain and the Viper aka “Hello. My name is Oberyn Martell. You killed my sister, prepare to die.”

We start this episode out in Mole’s Town which I can’t help but think this is a place that must be hard to keep track of for all those Watchlings out there.  So just in case– it’s the town right outside of the wall that mostly consists of a whorehouse there to service the Sworn Brothers– you know the ones that swore to not have sex.  Yeah those guys.

Well the Wildlings bust in and murder a ton of people, but Ygritte spares Gilly and the babe.  Then we see Sam and the posse discussing if Gilly could have survived and what they should do about the Wildlings in general.  They mostly all decide they are screwed.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

This is just a big set up for next week and to show that Ygritte is a good person. No– you’ll get the pay off for these scenes at the Wall soon enough.

Switch to Grey Worm checking out Missandei and looking like he’s sexually frustrated.  Then Dany and her discussing how much was cut off when they became eunuchs. Grey Worm later apologizes while at the same time kind of declaring his love for her. He somehow also took a huge step forward in his mastery of The Common Tongue.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

So Dany actually got a lot of details about the castration process when she bought the Unsullied. They have everything (Penis and Testicles) chopped off very early on so that they will never have any sexual desire to distract them from their duties. So I don’t really buy that Grey Worm is sexually attracted to anyone, but I would buy that he is lonely and wants love.  For those of you that don’t know, the boys that become Unsullied are taken at around the age of 5, trained, then cut, and on the day they are cut they are given a puppy.  After 1 year they are made to kill the puppy– those that don’t are killed and fed to dogs.  Then when they earn their title of Unsullied they have done so by going out into the marketplace, ripping a child from it’s mother’s breast and killing it in front of her.  He then gives the owner of the woman a coin to pay for the baby.  Yeah, so it’s pretty hardcore and I could see how someone like this could use some love.

Lets move on to Theon (Reek) and The Bastard. The Bastard is continuing his campaign of torment over Theon and uses him to manipulate the Ironmen left at Moat Cailin. Theon gets them to surrender and then The Bastard flayed them all. The Bastard of Bolton really is one of the most despicable characters in this series.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You mostly know it all. The only thing you’re missing is that extent that The Bastard has gone through to brainwash Theon.  He thinks everything might be a trap created by the Bastard in order to inflict more pain on him.  Other than that– this scene is all that it seems.

OK now here we go.  The episode before this ended with Littlefinger throwing Lysa out the Moondoor. I stated before that in the books there was conveniently a singer hanging about that took the fall for Lysa’s murder, but since he wasn’t there I wondered how they would explain away this issue. Littlefinger appears cornered. He’s being grilled by the Lords of the Vale and looks to be losing this game.  Then they announce they want to interview “Alayne.” In comes Sansa looking very fragile and saying she must tell the truth.

Well evidently little Sansa has learned to play the game.  She tells everyone who she is really and that Littlefinger had saved her life.  She also gives an explanation for Lysa’s suicide.  At the end of this fantastic tale she exchanges a sly smile with Littlefinger.

Wow is all I gotta say about this.  I wonder how they will proceed with this storyline since this episode took a little bit of a turn from the books.

Littlefinger lays the groundwork to travel with Robyn– perhaps see that he gets killed somewhere– or just to see if he can actually grow up.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Sansa is still not known as herself, but is under the disguise of Alayne Stone– the bastard daughter of Littlefinger– in the books.  Also Sansa is not this cunning in the books either.  She’s still an idiot and doesn’t realize that she’s being manipulated at every turn.  Just throw her some lemon cakes and she’s good to go.  No words can describe my disdain for this character.

 

Meanwhile back in Mereen we see Barristan Selmy receive a mysterious message that turns out to be a pardon from Robert that somehow got lost in the mail (really– USPS is getting slower and slower these days. They should have sent it UPS). Seriously though it’s obviously a set up and conveniently just showed up. Dany sees this as a horrible betrayal and banishes him.  This is plainly the only choice she had so she didn’t appear weak.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Selmy was on the Small Council so he knew that Jorah was spying on her this whole time.  He’s also the one that spills the beans to Dany to turn her against Jorah.  To be fair he didn’t trust Jorah and was trying to look out for her.

Now we get to see two weirdos be super creepy together.  AKA Roose Bolton legitimizes his bastard son and places him over any future children he might have. He probably knows that Ramsey will most likely murder any future children anyway, because that’s how he does things.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Both these dude are waaaaaay messed up.  Hmmmm. . .you may have already figured that out.  Well how about Roose like to be leeched daily. Yeah cause that’s not weird.

Sansa now reveals why she lied to protect Littlefinger.  At least the show made this make sense. She protected him because she knows that if he’s gone she might be in a worse situation than she was in King’s Landing. OK I buy that. I’m going to skip ahead and cover the scene with Littlefinger and Robert  Robyn. Littlefinger is obviously plotting something.  He’s now setting up the boy to go on a journey with him and Sansa and we’ll have to see where this is going to take us.  I’d watch out if I was Robyn though.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

She looks so strong and smart now. Believe me in the books she’s still an idiot.  Always an idiot. Oh, and an idiot that never thinks about Arya and what possibly has happened to her.  Every now and then she feels mildly sad that the rest of her family is dead, but mostly just sad if she runs short of lemon cakes. Robyn (aka Robert) develops an unhealthy attachment to Sansa and feels the need to sleep with her every night.  GRRM also goes into great detail about how he pushes up against her boobs to go to sleep and then pees the bed. Yeah this storyline is mostly messed up.

Now Arya and The Hound have reached the Vale and have a super hilarious scene where Arya laughs joyfully when she finds out that her Aunt Lysa is dead. Really it’s just their luck that they would make this huge journey just to hit a dead end.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Arya and The Hound never made it to The Vale in the books.  In fact they should be parting ways soon and I’m interested to see if the show decides to break up this dream team.  They have to eventually right?  Maybe this is season finale material? Arya’s storyline just gets better and better though.

Of course they’ve saved for the last the story we’ve been dying to watch.  Jaime and Tyrion have a heartfelt chat about how Tyrion is going to die and how they don’t have much hope of victory. They also share a touching story about a mentally handicapped relative of theirs that liked to smash beetles and how Tyrion tried to figure out why this child wanted to smash the beetles. This lovely story ended with the cousin getting killed by a mule.  The moral of the story being that life and death have no point.

Seriously she’s an amazing actress in these scenes.

Cut to Tyrion being led out to his trial.  Tyrion questions Oberyn’s lack of armor and a helmet (hehe) and Oberyn brushes his concerns off.  Which I have to admit when you watch his fighting styles it’s obvious that he does much better unencumbered. Here’s where it gets good. Oberyn takes the field all cocky and promises not to die and leave his paramour alone.

Oberyn does an amazing impression of Inigo Montoya by repeating, “You raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children.” over and over while attacking The Mountain. This chant seems to do what it was intended  as he repeatedly stabs his adversary and appears to have dealt the winning blows.

But wait, this is A Game of Thrones— just as it appears he’s won The Mountain grabs him, admits his murder and rape and then smashes his head like watermelon.  Yep.  That’s the end of the Viper.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Nothing really from the brotherly aspect. Jaime and Tyrion really do love each other and Jaime is realizing Tyrion is the better of his siblings. Tyrion doesn’t have much hope for a positive outcome, yet his hopes are raised throughout the battle. . .until they aren’t.

Never fear though!  The Viper is not done with The Mountain.  How you ask?  You saw his head popped like a really disgusting pimple right? Well, yes, but he may have performed some treachery before his death.  I won’t spoil that for you though.  I’m sure we’ll find out in about 2 weeks.

 

Up next week it appears to be the battle for the Wall– believe me all will not go as planned.

Major Character Deaths: One– Oberyn Martell

Boob Count: 8 pairs I think? There were a lot of background boobs.

 

Tyrion Lannister: Impin’ ain’t easy

Tyrion never had it easy. Tyrion is the third child of Joanna and Tywin Lannister and even if he’d been born “normal” I think he would have still had a hard life. Cersei and Jaime were nine by the time Tyrion came around and has been established that they already had a physical relationship by this point. I feel that any new sibling no matter how perfect would have been seen as an interloper.  Cersei and Jaime always were their own thing. Cersei sees Jaime as her’s and no one else can have him. A bratty younger brother definitely wouldn’t have been welcome, but a deformed “monster” that killed their mother in childbirth? Yeah, he was screwed from the get go.

Tyrion was constantly belittled and berated by his father and openly mocked and hated by his sister. The only love he found was from his brother Jaime and the only respect was from people that were paid to do his bidding. This loneliness shapes who he will become.  He sympathizes with others that have similarly been treated unfairly or are being used because of their weaknesses (Jon Snow, the Night’s Watch, various whores, Tommen, Sansa Stark, etc.).

There are a few events that I feel really shaped Tyrion’s life and the biggest one of those being his very short marriage at the age of 13.  He and Jaime saved a girl named Tysha from men out on the open road and that began a relationship between that two that culminated in a secret marriage.  Once Tywin found out about the marriage he exposed the girl as a whore that had been hired by Jaime and then proceeded to have her passed around by his guards paying her a silver coin for each and then having Tyrion do the same, but pay her in a gold coin since he was a Lannister.

I think this episode in his life showed him that happiness isn’t real and that he could never trust anyone, but Jaime when it came to love and loyalty.  It also showed him, once again, that his father harbored no love for him.

He sees Jaime as his only true friend and protector (from the few back-stories they tell about Tyrion as a child Jaime repeatedly stood up for him against his sister) and I think that that made Jaime’s lack of support during his trial that much harder to process for Tyrion.  Jaime had never been pushed so hard to choose between Cersei and Tyrion, much less Cersei and Tywin vs Tyrion and Tyrion sees Jaime’s actions as choosing Tywin and Cersei over him.

Before Tyrion’s scheduled execution Jaime forces Varys to assist in freeing him.  During his escape Jaime admits to Tyrion that the woman he met at 13 and that he married wasn’t really a whore, but may have possibly really loved him. This revelation shakes him to the core and I feel that it pushed him over the edge where his father was concerned. Now here we begin to step into theory land.  There is a line of thought that Oberyn Martell poisoned Tywin Lannister before his death and that was the reason that he was on the toilet when Tyrion went to kill him. The poison that it is thought he used was one that traps all toxins in the body until the person dies.  There is also a theory that Tyrion had guessed The Viper’s actions and that’s why he wasn’t surprised that Tywin was in the privy. OK to continue. . .

Tyrion then goes and finds his father’s chambers only to find Shea naked in Tywin’s bed– yet another betrayal by someone he thought loved him.  He quickly strangles her and then goes to find his father.  After asking his father about where his first wife went after Tywin threw her away Tywin replied with, “Wherever whores go.” This phrase continues to haunt Tyrion during his exile.

Catch phrase: Wherever whores go.

Theories

There are quite a few theories about Tyrion and I can’t say that I’ve decided whether I buy them or not. I’ll cover the one that I buy somewhat and you’re more than welcome of fall down the rabbit hole that is the Internet if you want to see some of the others.

Tyrion is a secret Targaryen. So the theory is that Aerys attacked/seduced Joanna Lannister and got her pregnant with Tyrion. The groundwork for this is that Semly told Daenerys that Aerys offended Tywin during the bedding portion of the reception by taking certain liberties while disrobing Joanna.  Semly also stated that he didn’t necessarily love Joanna Lannister more than he loved his wife, but wanted her. We then know that there was a desire for her, we know that he was crazy, and we know that he felt entitled to what he wanted.

Issues

Why would Tywin have continued as Aerys’ Hand? Why would Tywin not have acknowledged Tyrion as a bastard especially                 since he was a source of embarrassment? If Joanna was attacked why didn’t she go immediately to Tywin for protection?                       Why wouldn’t Tywin have used Tyrion for his own gains if he truly is have Targaryen?

OK so my thought is that Tywin is not afraid of playing the long game.  So maybe he didn’t know for sure, but only suspected that Tyrion wasn’t his. Or perhaps he knew if he left the service of the king he would never be able to exact revenge (NOTE: he did leave Aerys after Jaime was chosen to be a member of the Kingsguard, but maybe he thought that he would lose all if he remained with Aerys). — I don’t like any of this much at all.

Perhaps instead this scenario:

Aerys attacked/seduced/demanded sex from Joanna once or numerous times.  She was afraid to ask for help from Tywin because she knew what his reaction would be and she knew that Aerys wouldn’t hesitate to kill Tywin. I can think of all kinds of things that could have been held over her, threats against her twins, threats against Tywin, knowledge that if Tywin was killed that Aerys would have had even more control over her. Once she was finally able to get away and back to Casterly Rock she discovered that she was pregnant.  Perhaps a failed abortion attempt resulted in Tyrion’s deformity? We do not know where Joanna was during conception, but we do know that she was at Casterly Rock with the twins while pregnant. After abortion didn’t work the knowledge of the true father was kept a secret to protect her husband and her children.

The most interesting part of this theory to me is the fact that Joanna died after childbirth. This is similar to Lyanna (if you buy the R+L=J theory which is widely accepted) as well and Rhella (Daenerys’ mother).  It is known that a dragon must be made with a death (it is known) so if Tyrion, Daenerys, and Jon are the three heads of the dragon, their lives were bought with their mother’s deaths.

There are other small things thrown it, he dreamed of dragons, always wanted a dragon, learned as much as he could about dragons, from what we’ve learned about Rhaegar I feel like they have similar core values, and he has mismatched eyes.  There are other Targaryen bastards that had this trait so possibly it is just a trait of his dwarfism, but also maybe it’s a trait of his heritage. Tywin also repeatedly says that Tyrion is not his son and when Tyrion asked for Casterly Rock he states that he can’t prove that Tyrion isn’t his and that’s why he is allowed to wear his colors, but he will never have the Rock.

Part of me wishes this theory is true– I’d love to see Tyrion become a head of the dragon and be appreciated by more that just the readers.  I also feel like all this might be a red herring thrown out by GRRM.

What are your thoughts? Do you think this theory is a bunch of crap or do you buy it?

I believe we can all agree that Tyrion has had a rough life and it appears that it’s just going to get rougher.