Who is that new Game of Thrones Character and why is he important?

Last week we saw a new character– some would say an old character– come in and save the day. It looked like Bran was going to die and that there was no way out, but all of a sudden some BMF swooped in to save the day. Awesome right?

But who is this masked man?

Yes, yes, yes. He showed himself to be Benjen Stark and explained that he was saved by the Children of the Forest. That’s all well and good, but even though we’ve mostly moved past the written books this dude was in the books.

Benjen/Coldhands is more than just Benjen Stark returned to help out his nephews. I could go on and on about how I don’t think that Benjen is really THE Coldhands and that the show has just thrown Benjen in as Coldhands bc they didn’t want to add a new character in the mix, but I’ll not say anything about that.

In the books Coldhands is a very mysterious character. He shows up in the nick of time to save Sam and Gilly, riding an elk, calling Sam “Brother” (aka he was probably a brother of the Night’s Watch at some point), and then has Sam get Bran, Meera, Jojen and Hodor (sob) safely through the Night’s Fort to the other side of the wall. He navigated them through the North Beyond the Wall to the Three Eyed Crow and managed to do so without killing Jojen.

Throughout the journey North though they realize that Coldhands is dead yet he doesn’t have the blue eyes of the wights, can talk and obviously is very intelligent. So now that Coldhands/Benjen/YetAnotherStarkThatWeThoughtWasDead is back what does that mean for the Bran/Jon/Sansa?

Will he help turn the tide against Ramsey Snow? Where is Bran going now that he’s left the Three Eyed Crow  Raven? Why the #@#$ did they have to kill off Summer?

A few good thoughts to leave you with:

The Umber’s have given up Rickon to Ramsey, but in the books they are hinted at as being double agents that don’t like or trust The Bastard. So I have my finger’s crossed that that wolf’s head wasn’t really Shaggydog (maybe a died Grey Wind?) and that the Umber’s are playing their own–right now unknown–angle that will be BA.

My other theory that is helping me sleep at night is that Arya will see the Waif coming after her through an animal’s eyes (please be a cat) and wake up just in time to stab her with Needle.

The reappearance of the Frey’s gives me hope that they are about to get what’s coming to them. Perhaps some Frey Pie?

And finally Sansa is an idiot. (Oh that wasn’t a good thought?)

The Game of Thrones Plot Twist You’re Missing

This week’s episode was really good, but I’m not going to do my normal recap instead I’m going to address an important plot point that I feel like the show isn’t fully explaining, but are expecting you to pick up on.

In the first episode they find a litter of direwolf puppies, one for each Stark child, and they were told to raise them and train them themselves. It was made very clear that these were dangerous animals, but it also became evident that the Starks (and Jon Snow) had an unusual amount of control over these animals.

It is because they are all wargs. To an extent at least.

Why is this important? Well keep reading– not only does this influence the whole Stark storyline it also is the key to Daenary’s problems.

Jon Snow

The books make it very clear that Jon Snow is a warg and a powerful one. The show does touch on this and explain that not only is he a warg, but so are some of the Wildlings. He begins to learn how to control his gift and how to control other animals besides Ghost. For Jon this doesn’t appear to be something that he has to work with at all with Ghost, but he doesn’t seem to have the same bond with any other animal.

That is until he inherits Mormont’s raven. His raven is a larger than normal raven and can speak in eerily appropriate ways. The raven seems to be strongly connected to Jon and even before Mormont was murdered he seemed to care about Jon’s welfare.

Why is this important for Jon?

Possibly Jon had warged into Ghost while he was dead making his resurrection possible, but my biggest theory is that (especially now that the dragons are freed) he will be able to become a dragonrider by reaching into the dragon’s mind to be able to control it.

And now his watch has ended and he can go do some gangster Stark/Targaryen stuff

Damn right is has.

Robb Stark

Robb was also very attached to his wolf and it wasn’t until he separated himself from Grey Wind (because his new bride distrusted the wolf and her family was afraid of him) that he became vulnerable.

Robb was not with Grey Wind when he was killed, but they made a show of killing the wolf too and then sewing the head of the wolf to Robb’s corpse.

Why was this important for Robb?

If he’d known how important and powerful this connection was he could have used it to stay in power and vet his potential enemies. He should have listened to his mother and kept his wolf close.

Sansa

Welp. Lady died pretty early on and Sansa admitted to feeling lost after Lady’s death. Sansa is horrible, self absorbed and really the worst character of the series (yes I say she’s even worse than Cersei or Ramsey Snow– she should have known better than to behave as she did).

The show has made her a lot more sympathetic a character than the books so feel free to disagree with me. I get where you’re coming from, but she never asked or thought about Arya in the books and was only concerned with what was happening to her.

Why is this important for Sansa?

I’d like to hope that she wouldn’t have been a self centered b*tch if Lady had lived. At least she would have hopefully been stronger.

Arya

Aside from Jon and Bran Arya is the next strongest warg in the Stark family. Jon learned from others that he could control other animals, but Arya finds out on her own that she can see through other’s eyes. This is my most recent issue with the show. In the books before Arya gets her eyesight back she warged into a cat to see who was attacking her and from where. I’m really disappointed they have left this out. Also left out is her wolf dreams. Ever since she sent Nymeria away she has dreamed at night of her pack and of hunting with them. In fact she was the one that  decided to pull her mother’s dead body out of the river (but seeing as they’ve left Lady Stoneheart out of this. . . ).

Why is this important for Arya?

During all of her trials and tribulations her wolf dreams have kept her anchored and given her a family when she had none. Also her warging into the cat gave her encouragement and the confidence she needed to continue her training without losing her identity as Arya Stark (even though that’s what they wanted to happen).

Her continued connection with Nymeria will also give her a ready made strong group of soldiers (even if they are four legged) whenever she gets back across the sea. She could even be a dragonrider– although I don’t see it going that way. I think perhaps you have to be a warg AND have Targaryen blood to be a dragonrider.

Bran

This is the only Stark that the show has repeatedly shown as a warg. His abilities have allowed him to control Summer, Hodor, and travel through the weirwood to see the past. Kudos to the show for showing this, but it just makes me even more frustrated that they’ve left all this out for the other characters.

Why this is important for Bran?

Well his powers have led him to the three eyed crow (with Meera, Jojen and Hodor’s help) and I think they will show Bran all about R+L=J (hopefully soon– holy CRAP what a tease this week). He’s also poised to spill the beans on Jon’s parentage which could rock Westeros and it appears that he’s trying to communicate with the people of the past. I just hope he doesn’t screw up the present even more because of this. There is also something fishy about Old Nan talking about how all Brandon Starks are all the same.

Rickon

It’s stated that Rickon has possibly the strongest warg connection out of any of the Starks with Shaggydog (I really really hope that the Umbers are setting up a trap for the Boltons and that they really didn’t kill Shaggydog and haven’t really given up Rickon. The Umbers were very loyal to Robb Stark and it’s hinted at that they might be playing the Bolton’s false). He also appears to have some type of greenseer ability. He dreamed about the deaths of Ned and the rest and knew that they weren’t coming back long before anyone else did.

Why is this important for Rickon?

Ummmm because warging is cool? Also to help control Shaggydog. Not a lot is known about Rickon and I hope that we finally find out more about him and where his story will take the narrative.  Yep not believing that Shaggydog is dead or that they Umbers are bad.. .yet.

Daenarys 

She dreamed of her dragons even before they were born and could feel their presence in the eggs. Then once they were born she was about to train them relatively easily. (Similarly to the Starks and their wolves). She’s had visions of Drogon flying over the land when she was sleepy or her mind was wandering. My thought is that she needs to warg into the dragon to truly be able to control him. The times that she has had control are when she was very scared or emotional which just reinforces my theory that she has the ability to control Drogon, but she just doesn’t know how to access that power (but does so by instinct when under stress).

Maester Aemon was very concerned about getting to Dany before he died as soon as he learned that she had three dragons. He said that he had important things to tell her and show her. I wonder if he wasn’t going to show her how to control her dragons and if perhaps he was controlling his ravens in a similar manner. For a blind man he sure saw a lot which would make a lot of sense if he was using his ravens to see for him.

There’s always a chance that the show will tie up all these plot lines without introducing the ability to warg, but I don’t really see how. My biggest fear is that they will just throw it in and assuming you caught all the times that warging was alluded to. Like how they brought back Rickon and the Umbers with very little prep.

 

Game of Thrones: Mother’s Mercy. AKA The crap all your book reading friends have kept a secret from you since you said, “I’m going to start watching Game of Thrones.”

Seriously though all your friends that have read this series and encouraged you to watch the show have been waiting for this moment to see your reaction (well and your reactions to Ned, the Red Wedding, the Purple Wedding, etc). I’m sure you’ve seen all the theories floating around out there of what’s really going on though, but a lot of other things happened before that final scene so let’s get to those first. (BTW if you haven’t watched the season 5 finale– don’t read this. Actually get off the Internet and go watch it or don’t complain about spoilers).

Stannis and Melisandre

We open the episode to Stannis hearing one thing from Melisandre (It’s great you burned the one person that loved you alive!  See the snow melted!) and another from his men (dude, you’re screwed– everyone has bailed on you– including your wife). I don’t know if they had Melisandre purposefully lead him poorly so she could get rid of him or if she’s just off her game now.

Melisandre runs away though after hearing all the bad news– headed back to Castle Black (we don’t know that at first, but that’s where she shows up later) and Stannis keeps with his plan to march on Winterfell. Cause he doesn’t have much choice otherwise.

Once he arrives at Winterfell though he’s not even given an option to lay siege to the castle, but the come out and meet him and slaughter everyone there. Stannis manages to stay alive, but becomes wounded and can’t get away. Abandoned by everyone he appears to have given up. This is how Brienne finds him and gives a very stirring speech about how he killed Renly with blood magic (which he admits to) and then she sentences him to death. It was all very dramatic, but all I could think was kill him and get out of there! It just seemed like a bad idea to be hanging around waiting for Ramsey to find them (which I’d rather get killed by Brienne than tortured and killed by Ramsey Snow, so he had that going for him.

Differences from the book:

Stannis didn’t burn his daughter, his wife didn’t hang herself, they are in fact back at Castle Black all nice and cozy with Melisandre. Stannis is buried in snow drifts, but isn’t doing too shabby by this point and is working out a plan to take Winterfell (where there is a limited amount of food and too many people there to keep fed for very long).

Jon Snow

Jon has a nice touching talk with Sam (come on– that’s a bad sign by itself– nothing good comes out of happiness in this world). He tells Sam all about what he saw at Hardhome and how he knows everyone at Castle Black hates him right now. Sam talks him into sending him to Oldtown with Gilly to become a Maester. It makes a ton of sense, but just so you know– in the books Sam is long gone by this point. Jon sent Sam to Oldtown just for this purpose with Gilly, Mance Rayder’s baby (she had to leave hers behind), and Maester Aemon (who died as soon as he reached Braavos and heard about the dragons– which was a super sad part of the books). But he’s now at least headed in the direction he was in the books.

Davos is trying to get help for Stannis (who he doesn’t know has been defeated). But then all of a sudden he knows they’ve been defeated because Melisandre shows up at the wall and even though she doesn’t say anything– it’s obvious everyone is dead.

Then Olly shows up and says that one of the Wildlings knows where his Uncle Benjen is and he needs to come talk to him. Other brothers back him up, but it turns out they were just looking to stab him a bunch. Olly delivers the last blow and Jon Snow falls back on the snow with blood pouring out of his back. (Please read this for some reasons that this isn’t the worst thing in the world– probably).

Differences from the book:

First off Melisandre, Stannis’ wife and Shireen stay at the Wall the whole time and she’s been warning him that something was going to happen and to keep Ghost close. In the books Ghost is locked up in Jon’s room so that he doesn’t fight with the other Warg’s animals so that’s where he is right now. Also Olly doesn’t exist, but his steward is a gay male prostitute named Satin, who doesn’t betray him at all. Other than that he totally gets stabbed a bunch and it looks like he might be dead.

Sansa

Sansa manages to escape her room to put the candle in the tower to call for help (which she manages to do just after Brienne turns away from watching), but drops her corkscrew on the way out of her room. It might just be me, but that looks like a handy weapon to keep a hold of. Myranda finds her wandering about and threatens her with a bow and arrow that the only part of her that is needed is her reproductive organs. Right before Myranda shoots Reek (aka Theon) pushes her to the side and before she can then attack him Theon pushes her over the wall where she falls to her death. (Yay Theon!)

They hear Ramsey’s return and begin to panic so of course go to the edge of the castle and jump into a snow drift– as you do. Cause that’s not a bad idea at all.

Differences from the book:

Well as you know the biggest one is that Sansa is way far away in the Eyrie, but Theon does help save the fake Arya from Ramsey Bolton and does jump off the castle into a snow drift. He breaks his ankle in the process, but gets picked up by some of Stannis’ crew (who also have his sister) and he begins to become himself again.

Arya

Meryn Trant shows us that he’s an even bigger scumbag than we first expected and disguised as a child prostitute she murders him violently. She’s caught by Jaqen H’ghar when she’s putting the human mask back and it appears that he kills himself to atone for her actions. The girl then turns into Jaqen and Arya begins to pull the faces off of the body until she gets to her own. Then she goes blind. My theory on what we just saw there is that he never drank the poison, but gave it to her and that was all an hallucination.

Differences from the book:

Ahh this is all out of order, but she does kill Meryn Trant and she does go blind, so just roll with what is going on. It’s mostly correct.

Jamie and Bronn

The Dornish people are once again poorly written and overly sexualized. Jamie admits to Myrcella that he’s her father and she’s says, ” Oh I’m totes cool with that dad– I think it’s awesome you had sex with your twin sister” or something like that. And then she dies. Cause that’s what people do in this show. She was killed by the goodbye kiss with the same poison that Bronn was infected with. We then see her killer take the antidote for herself– all while all of the sand snakes are in see through dresses– because why not? Boobs.

Differences from the books:

Too many to list– none of this crap happened.

Meereen 

Grey Worm is wearing adult diaper pants and they all make the best decisions ever made in the history of this show (which can be scary as I said earlier). Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei will stay behind and rule in Dany’s stead and Mormont and Daario will go out to search for their lost queen. There is a lot of snark and awesome one liners here. I think Dany will be happy when she gets back. Tyrion watches them ride away and then all of a sudden Varys shows up! He shows that he has more things up his sleeve. This storyline is going swimmingly– which once again makes me nervous.

Go away Mom! I’m sleeping!

Drogon is hurt and Dany is clueless how to control him (come on and warg!) so she goes for a walk after giving up on him (that’s a good idea right?) While on her walk a bunch of Dothraki surround her. Dothraki who for some reason are behaving more like American Indians from old movies than the nomadic people of previous seasons, but oh well.

Differences from the books:

Tyrion isn’t around yet in this capacity, and Dany starts her period– and has less clothes on. Other than that it’s about right.

Cersei

She has finally given in and “confessed” to some of her crimes in hopes that she’ll be released. She denies the others so she will still have to go to trial. And then the High Sparrow drops the bomb that she’s going to have to walk back to the Red Keep, naked, shaved, and doing a serious walk of shame.

They then use this time to show her naked a bunch– oh and to show a bunch of other people naked. Because it’s HBO and that’s what they do. (To be fair that all happened in the books too). The nuns evidently don’t own scissors so give her a rather painful razor cut (I also get my hair cut with a razor, but it tends to turn out better than this).

After a very embarrassing and painful walk she finally ends up at the Red Keep where she does get covered up, but she has to face her enemies naked and vulnerable. This is going to be something that will be hard for her to get over. The big thing you need to notice though is the new member of the Kingsguard. That would be Ser Robert Strong who has vowed to not speak until all the Grace’s enemies are defeated, but in reality it’s the Mountain in zombie form. He’s been resurrected by Qyburn and is their (his and Cersei’s) secret weapon.

Differences from the book:

Not much.

 So we have so many unanswered questions that won’t be answered until next year– or if by some miracle GRRM finishes book 6 before the new season. Riiiiiight.

Game of Thrones: Hardhome. Did they really just confirm [SPOILER]??

Well we ended last week with Jorah delivering his gift to Dany and her not really knowing what to do with him. It looks like right now not much has changed in that aspect.

Dany and Tyrion

We open up this episode with Dany questioning Tyrion about why she shouldn’t just kill him right now (which she has a point) and asking Tyrion what he thinks she should do with Jorah (who she told she’d kill if he came back).

Tyrion points out that he’s kill more Lannisters than anyone else she knows and that he knows more about her than she probably knows about herself. I’m glad that Dany seems to be impressed with this.

This right here is a complete departure from the books (at least as far as he’s written so far), but it’s something that the books have been working toward. In the books right now Tyrion is a slave right outside Mereen who later frees himself and escapes to hide in a mercenary war camp– all the while waiting to get to meet Dany.
Dany on the other hand is out in the wilderness with Drogon who swooped into the fighting pits to eat some easy prey and she jumped on his back to try to save him from the people that wanted to kill him. Now she’s abandoned in the wilderness unable to control her dragon (which I’m pretty sure Tyrion knows the secret to this–which I’m also pretty sure is warging to control them like the Starks do to their wolves) and on her period. (Yep totally on her period– which is worth mentioning because she was told that would never happen again after she sacrificed her baby to save Drogo).

OK so all that about the dragon and the fighting pits might happen next week and if it does I apologize for the spoilers, but I’m really not sure where the writers are headed right now. Dany meeting Tyrion and actually getting advice from someone who has run Westeros before though is a great development. He knows all the houses and how they will react to her and he knows all the ways that she could take over that part of the world. Up to now she’s been getting advice from old warriors who were never politicians or people that have never been to that part of the world. I can’t wait to see what Tyrion makes of the politics of Mereen and how long he comes to the same conclusion I did— the dragons need to be seen and feared. Without her dragons she has no power.

Needless to say though Tyrion and Dany working together is going to be something amazing to watch.

Oh and Jorah is sad and gets banished–rubs some on his greyscale and then returns to the fighting pits. I’m not sure what his play is here, but I’m curious as to why he did this.

Cersei

The Queen is locked away without food or water until she confesses. We see her get struck across the face with a wooden spoon when she refuses to do so. She finally gets to hear the charges against her (fornication, treason and incest– not far off the mark there) and told that none of her family is coming to save her. Not even Jaime (remember– as Tyrion left he told Jaime that Cersei was having sex with everyone she could and he can’t get that out of his mind. Of course in the show he’s in Dorne, but still not racing back to her.

She rounds out this episode by licking water off the nasty floor. So things are going great for her.

Arya

Arya is working on her lying skills and is telling Jaqen all about her life at the canals. She makes an adorable oyster saleswoman. She is being given her first job in this new role and is figuring out what she’s supposed to do. She’s been given the job of killing an insurance salesman who isn’t paying out to widows.

This right now is going along pretty evenly with the books. Except instead of Lana of the Canals she’s Cat of the Canals and is given the same task, but told it has to look like he just died. It cannot look like murder at all. I liked that she was Cat in the books because is spoke to her life with her mother as well as her new found ability to warg into animals besides her wolf. Also they aren’t mentioning that she’s having wolf dreams every night and that her connection with her wolf back in the Riverlands is growing stronger. I really wish they would touch on the whole warging thing more because I feel like that’s going to be important later on. . .but I’m not a writer for the show so. . . .

Sansa and Theon/Reek

Sansa confronts Theon about him telling on her. Theon is 100% Reek in this scene, but she manages to find out that Bran and Rickon really aren’t dead. Theon lets it slip, but runs away when he realizes what he’s admitted to. Hopefully this means that he’s finally working his way out of Ramsey’s control. Maybe. Hopefully.

In the books he’s cowed still by Ramsey, but with the arrival of the outsiders that have come for the wedding Theon is given a little more status since the guests expect to see Theon the prince there not Reek the servant. The storyline that I’m really sad they’ve left out is that Mance wasn’t really killed at the wall, but a wildling called Rattleshirt was and Mance has taken Rattleshirt’s place with the help of magic from Melisandre. She then changes his appearance again and is sent to Winterfell as a traveling minstrel and his “sisters” aka other wildling women meant to look like regular camp followers. They are sent to break “Arya” out and get Theon to help with this. I’m really sad they left all this out because it creates some warm feelings towards Melisandre– who hasn’t needed any up to now and it shows the ingenuity of the wildlings around the Boltons.

The Boltons

They are discussing Stannis and his plans and Ramsey offers to take 20 men out into the snow to take down Stannis. Lets just say they are both insane and horrible people and then just move on from this right now. I’m sure it will be gross and graphic later on.

The Wall

So we see Gilly and Sam being all awkward and post coital, but then Olly manages to come in and be Debbie Downer. He expresses his doubts about what Jon is doing and his hatred for the Wildlings. Olly is a new character and I really don’t know why there is such an emphasis on his character unless it’s just to remind you that the Wildlings aren’t all nice people and they’ve done horrible things.

Meanwhile Jon has landed at Hardhome with Tormund to try to negotiate with the Wildlings there to come back and help the Night’s Watch hold the Wall. Evidently Rattleshirt (aka Lord of Bones) is the leader of this group and he doesn’t want anything to do with the new arrivals (remember I mentioned him earlier and how he was killed by Melisandre). Welp he keeps insulting Tormund so Tormund takes his staff from him and beats him to death with it. All the Wildlings doubt Jon’s word, but eventually everyone but the Thenn’s agree to go with Jon and they very very slowly start getting on boats.

They load up a good number people and then suddenly the wights attacked the walls and for some reason instead of loading the boats faster they stood around and stared at the skeletal beings that were breaking down the walls. They move from staring at them to fighting them which does about as much good (once again why are they not sticking people into boats as fast as possible?).

Then all of a sudden the White Walkers themselves show up and Jon gets into a fight with one that looks like it’s not going to end well for Jon when a theory from the books is finally confirmed in that although all other blades have shattered against the White Walkers Jon’s holds up. It not only holds up it kills the Walker and turns the tide of the battle.

The reason this is true is because Jon’s sword is Valyrian steel and forged with magic from Ancient Valyria as well as dragon’s breath (dragon steel is another name for it– which sounds familiar like dragon glass you could say). Then as the people load the last of the ships that are able to escape Captain Barbossa  the Night’s King (aka the head White Walker) shows up and tells the boys to take a walk. The furious onslaught of the undead is more than the remainder can handle and the battle is soon lost. The Night’s King then reanimates all the dead and Jon stares on in horror from his (painfully slowly) retreating boat.

So this doesn’t happen at all in the books. He does send people to Hardhome to try to save them and bring them back to the Wall, but he doesn’t go himself. Also in the books the whole Valyrian steel theory hasn’t been tested yet, but Sam suspects that it will work. I’m pretty sure this was an interlude for everyone watching to allow them some action in a otherwise battle light season. I do question the wight and White Walker’s lack of fear of fire. In the books and the show they have been scared or at least repelled by fire, but aren’t phased at all by it this go round.

There are a lot of revelations this episode, fan theories proven right and fan desires made true. I have to say even though I don’t always support their departures from the books, it is making it an interesting watch.

Why do book Readers think “It’s not as bad as what happened in the books” is an excuse for violence?

After the Sansa wedding night episode I had friends on Facebook going crazy (along with a ton of other people throughout the Internets). They were done with Game of Thrones!  They were shocked and appalled that once again the show used rape to as a plot/character development device. On a particular thread a friend of mine had expressed her outrage at this and I had responded that, “It’s not near as bad as the stuff that happened to the woman he married in the books.” My comment triggered an angry response from another person who questioned why that was OK? Just because something is worse in the books that it was based on why is that an excuse for that action?

That got me thinking. Why did I think that excused what was shown for entertainment purposes? I finally came to the conclusion that I don’t think it being worse in the books is an excuse, but more that I came into the show informed as to what to expect. Also that reading about something happening isn’t the same as watching it played out in front of you.

I knew going into watch Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince that Snape would eventually kill Dumbledore. But reading it in the books and watching it on the big screen are two different things. In someways it was more emotional to actually see the look in Snape’s eyes and the corresponding look on Dumbledore’s face at the moment of death, but you also don’t get the whole thought process of each of the characters. You are relying on facial expressions instead of getting to hear an inner monologue or having the author explain a back story on the character.

So when Snape takes out his wand and kills off another main character I wasn’t shocked or emotionally crippled. I was when I read it the first time, but by the time the movie rolled out I was used to the idea. I knew it was coming so it didn’t pack the same emotional punch.

This is true for so many things in literature. There are things added and taken away by knowing what is coming and seeing it acted out on screen for the first time. Yeah you know that Mr. Darcy is going to fall for Elizabeth, but seeing Colin Firth say the words out loud brings a whole new emotion to the scene. Or a better example for me is you don’t really see how annoying Elizabeth’s mother is until you see her.

But why have I talked about Harry Potter and Austen when Game of Thrones was the culprit? Seeing emotions and knowing back stories is one thing, but this is rape that we’re talking about. Here’s where I come to my conclusion about why people use “it was worse in the books” as an excuse.

If they’ve read the books and then chose to watch the show they know what’s coming. They know (for the most part) who is going to be raped, tortured, enslaved, killed, stabbed at their wedding, etc. They’ve read it, accepted it and kept reading for one reason or another.

I’m sure there were readers along the way that said– wait– they just killed my favorite character– this series is depressing– I’m out!  Or I’m tired of the sex scenes that are written like a twelve year old’s fantasy– I’m out!  (Seriously– GRRM has words for female genitalia that make me want to vomit. He talks about sex like a pubescent boy). So many things happen in the series (and the show has left out a lot of disturbing crap) that would be horrific if they happened in real life that as a reader I skim those parts. Jaime and Cersei having sex again? Cool– I’ll just skip the in depth description of her “sex” and just remember that it happened. Theon getting flayed again? Alright– gross–but instead of reading the full description I’ll just skim over the super gross parts and realize that Reek has a fewer toes/fingers than he did before. Skimming is the only way I got through some of the parts of these books (and the only way I got through the Wheel of Time books after Robert Jordan lost his mind and until Brandon Sanderson took over).

I may not have read every single disgusting detail of the bad things that happened in this series, but I know what happened. I’ve already processed that Ramsey is the most disgusting person ever, I know that Cersei thinks she’s the smartest person in the world, and that Sansa is an idiot. Still I wouldn’t have wished Jeyne’s fate (the girl Ramsey married in the books that was pretending to be Arya) on anyone. That’s why book readers were upset that Sansa had returned to Winterfell. They knew that if she married The Bastard that things would not be pretty for her. I know people who just had seen the show were probably excited to see a Stark in Winterfell again, but believe me Sansa should have kept her butt in the Eyrie.

So do I think it’s OK that Sansa was raped? NO! But that was what she was doomed for the second Littlefinger took her there to marry Ramsey. If he had treated her like a lady that would have been completely out of character. He is insane and likes to inflict pain on everything and everyone he can. Obviously his wife would be subject to that as well.

What I am saying is reading about a horrible act and seeing a horrible act visually acted out is totally different. Knowing what is coming allows the reader to prepare themselves for what is to come (and even you non-readers– seriously what did you expect from Ramsey?).

So if seeing Sansa get raped makes you no longer want to watch Game of Thrones stop watching. I have family members that refuse to watch the show because they don’t want to relive everything that happens to these characters (as well as family members who have refused to watch or read because of what these books entail). I’ve left some shows mid series because I didn’t like the direction they went in. With everything else that has happened in the series though I question your surprise at this violence. Dany was raped in the first episode (which by the way didn’t happen in the books– Drogo was very kind to her and besides the fact that she was disgustingly young for him it was not violent like that), Ned was beheaded by a psycho with too much power, and Theon was brutally tortured. All of that plus everything else that I’ve left out should have clued you in that this wasn’t going to be a happy, peaceful show.

I don’t think that rape, torture, incest, or zombies are acceptable things, but as a reader I came into this show informed as to what I was going to see. If you don’t want to continue watching the show because of the horrible violence it shows, stop watching it, but don’t expect the show runners to make an insane torture loving character nice and sweet all of a sudden.

Game of Thrones: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken. Another Wedding!

Weddings are such fun times in Westeros and Sansa’s wedding is included in that. First we will cover all the other plot movements though and then come back to Sansa.

Arya

Arya is still working on becoming A Faceless Man even though she still doesn’t quite know what that means. She’s cleaning dead bodies though and trying to figure out what they do with the bodies after. She’s also still learning how to lie. This lying game takes up a few chapters of the books and she has trouble with it. I think because she is so proud of who she is and what she’s done that she has issues denying that fact. She also gets a little child abuse going on, but that’s nothing compared to what she’s been through.

The thing they are leaving out though is that in the books her eyesight was taken from her briefly while she learned this lesson and she didn’t gain her eyesight back until she figured out who was hitting her. Which she found out by warging into a cat and looking through it’s eyes. I feel like her connection to her wolf and this ability aren’t being shown enough in the show and I feel like that’s an important character point. Arya is strong and part of her strength comes from her nightly hunts with her wolf. Nymeria rules the Riverlands and in part so does Arya.

Arya finally passes the test though, with a Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade type moment, and is taken to where they take the bodies. She gets to see a super creepy room with a ton of dead people’s faces and is told that she will get to be someone else. This part sounds nasty in the books and I assume it will be nasty in the show too.

Tyrion and Jorah

They are having a nice little hike across the world. Jorah is trying to hide his greyscale (which will surely kill him– and in the books it’s recommended that that part of your body is cut off– of course in the books he doesn’t get it, but Lord Connington does). Tyrion is doing an amazing job of getting on Jorah’s last nerve and manages to criticize Dany in a very logical fashion.

But my favorite part was when he accidentally told Mormont that his dad was not only dead, but had been murdered horrifically.

BTW your Dad is totes dead– it’s super sad. I’m glad you got to hear it from me.

Tyrion did manage to save his life and Jorah’s though and direct them in the way they were trying to go– the only down side? Now they are slaves. Yeah. . .

Petyr 

After obviously teleporting to King’s Landing he runs into Lancel on his way in and finds out some of the new lay of the land. Petyr then goes and plays Cersei to get exactly what he had wanted all along. If he gets his way he’s now set up to have Sansa and Winterfell. I can not stand Petyr, but I respect his cunning both in the books and on the show. He expertly works the people around him in such a way that they think they are using him.

Everyone in Dorne

OK so everyone is mad still in Dorne that Oberyn is dead and Jaime is still trying to rescue Myrcella and the Sand Snakes are trying to kill her. So of course they all end up in the same place at the same time. This is very mixed up from the books, but so far I’m OK with it. That is as long as the Sand Snakes are imprisoned right now as well as Jaime and Co. I thought it showed great diplomacy and control that they were locked away until they were begging to do as the Prince of Dorne wished. There were a lot of good one liners in this sequence, but other than that I’m tired of this plot line as it sits.

Hey Dad. . . I mean Uncle Jaime.

Random side note: The Dornish people are what I imagined the Calormen looked like and dressed like in the Narnia Series. I keep expecting them to worship Tash. Or try to marry Queen Susan. Who kinda looks like Myrcella now that I mention it. . . .

The Highgarden Group

Margaery’s grandmother has swooped in to rescue Loras and it doesn’t go as expected. She has a nice exchange with Cersei in which she issues more insults than she receives and threatens to remove her assistance to the crown if Loras isn’t released. Cersei doesn’t take this seriously or deal with it well. She still thinks she’s in control of this situation.

Totally what she was writing.

Now that Grandma is in it’s time for Loras’ trial which doesn’t end well for the Queen or for Loras. Both of them swear under oath that Loras totes loves the ladies and then Loras’ latest boyfriend shows up and says that not only has he had sex with Loras, but Margaery walked in on them once.

His response to the accusations about him and Renly.

They are all then arrested and taken away. Margaery shouting for Tommen’s help the whole time and Tommen looking like a scared little boy while Cersei looks like a cat that just caught a mouse. I still can’t believe that Cersei doesn’t see this as troubling for Tommen’s authority.

Sansa

Now we’re finally to the bride to be. She gets a nice hot bath by psycho girlfriend and then escorted to the wedding by Theon. I have to say I lost a little respect for Sansa when she didn’t offer Theon any help whatsoever. No matter what he did (or she thinks he did) he hasn’t deserved any of the stuff Ramsey has done to him.

Sansa now walks into this marriage with her eyes wide open as to what she is marrying. This is a departure from the books in that Ramsey married a fake Arya in the books and many people know that she isn’t really Arya. Ramsey does really horrible things to her and makes Theon help. So was I surprised that in the show Theon was made to watch? No not really. But I hate that Sansa after all of her character development allowed Ramsey to abuse her like that. The real Arya would have opened his guts for him and then killed Roose as well. There is a theory that Sansa will always be less than because of her lack of a wolf. It is thought that with the death of Lady that Sansa lost her compass and that’s why she’s so much weaker than everyone else.

I did love show Sansa for this:

It gives me hope that Sansa has finally realized that Tyrion wasn’t that bad and if it hadn’t been for Joffery it might have been a happy marriage. Yes he’s a dwarf and by that time he was not awesome looking, but he was better than any other option she’s been given yet.

Ramsey is by far the worst. If ever I wished that she was back in the Vale pretending to be Alayne Stone it’s now. Because no one deserves this.

So am I upset that Ramsey raped his wife? No. Am I upset that  Sansa is his wife? Yes.

Game of Thrones: Sons of the Harpy. When Cersei Screws Herself for a Change.

Jaime and Bronn

Once again we are in uncharted territory. In the books Jaime is off being an interesting character  a peacemaker for his King and here we see him making moony eyes at Tarth and explaining that he’s doing all this for his “niece” and to avoid a war. Book Jaime would have also done everything he could to avoid war, but he didn’t do this. Bronn was off killing off his wife’s family so that she would inherit and although I loved that about him he makes a good sidekick for Jaime’s adventures.

Their stealth mission is all for nothing though because they are not only found out, but they also kill a bunch of people while doing so. I wonder if this is meant to replace the scene where Myrcella’s Kingsguard was killed and she lost an ear. I could see that, but I also have a feeling that there will be a lot of blood spilled before Jaime leaves Dorne and probably just as awesomely as it is in this episode.

and who would that be?

Cersei

Cersei is busy thinking she’s super smart. She sends off daddy Tyrell after refusing his loan of gold. He’s to negotiate with The Iron Bank to get a better rate for the money they have loaned The Seven Kingdoms. The Iron Bank is kinda like borrowing money from a loan shark– that offered reasonable rates. It’s all cool as long as you’re paying it back, but if you decide not too then they break your legs. Or kill you.

She’s obviously trying to separate the Tyrells for her next move. Reinstating the Faith Militant. She sees this as a totally awesome idea. They can punish people who sin and she won’t be expected to save them. She then sets up the Tyrells for their fall. She’s not really thinking this through though. A church that is that upset about gays and fornicators probably isn’t going to be cool with a girl that cheated on her husband with her brother. Incest is totes not cool either.

Her cousin that is also had an affair with is now sporting a cool scar (ouch) and arrests Loras for his indiscretions. Yep this is going to go great Cersei.

The new King and Queen

Margaery is incensed at the actions of the church and gets Tommen to confront his mother to have Loras released. In response Cersei sends Tommen to confront the church (which if she knew what she had really created she would know that’s a horrible idea) and he isn’t allowed to talk to the High Sparrow. Tommen then learns of what happens when your wife asks for something and you don’t deliver.

Stannis

Stannis’ weirdo wife talks to Stannis about how much she dislikes Jon Snow and how gross she finds her daughter. I don’t like the Red Woman, but I am glad she stood up for Shireen.

Shireen goes to see her father later and he speaks to her of his childhood and is much more personable than he ever was in the books. He talks about how he’s proud of her and how she contracted greyscale. I have to say he moved up a few pegs in my book from this speech. He’s still an ass, but a little bit less of one.

Jon Snow

Jon is faced with having to ask Roose Bolton for help even though Roose is the one responsible for Robb and Catelyn’s deaths and so many of Jon’s other friends. He does the honorable thing of course and signs the letter.

Then in comes Melisandre to make things super uncomfortable. She asks Jon to march south to Winterfell with Stannis to help with the siege there. He states again that he’s of the Night’s Watch now and not meant to take part in the wars of the realm. Even though a creeper is asking I’m sure he’d love to go rip Roose Bolton’s throat out. She then gets uncomfortably close and undresses herself. Jon seems to be falling for it– and I for one didn’t like how far he went along with it before stopping it. The big take away from that interaction though is the statement that she made that he could cast shadows. So she sees that there is something powerful inside of Jon Snow. It is somewhat a confirmation for all of us R+L=J shippers and maybe proof that she has begun to see him in her fires now.

Because he’s totally Lyanna’s kid

Sansa

She’s walking around the crypts lighting the candles talking to Petyr about her family and he offers the second R+L=J clue of the evening talking about how Rhaegar chose Lyanna at the tournament at Harrenhall. Sansa then responded with the party line that Lyanna was kidnapped and raped, but Sansa is an idiot so what does she know.

Petyr does reveal that he has somewhat of a plan to bring down Roose Bolton and warns Sansa to not trust any of them and to use Ramsey. I wonder if Petyr really is so clueless as to what kind of boy Ramsey Snow Bolton is. Roose is cunning and dangerous, but Ramsey is batsh*t crazy. Roose skins his victims in private while Ramsey does even worse things behind closed doors.

First of all–gross and secondly– pretty sure you’re already married Sansa.

The Sand Snakes

If you haven’t picked up on it they are all warriors. So in the books there are tons more of these women and they are all of Oberyn’s bastard daughters. They do try to rise up, but the Prince of Dorne crushes them and finally explains his true plans for revenge. It looks like they are taking a bloodier and different course. But who knows Jaime’s story and the Sand Snake’s story is just starting.

Jorah and Tyrion

Jorah is still trying to find his way and Tyrion is now trying to make the best of this situation. I do love that Tyrion throws it in Jorah’s face that he’s taking Tyrion to the same place that he was trying to go himself. I do think Tyrion would be good for Dany, but even in the books I doubted her ever trusting him. I do wonder if he ends up helping her with her dragon problem and winning her trust that way though. That’s just my theory.

Dany and Co.

Dany is still trying to figure out this ruling thing– evidently it’s still hard, but Barristan distracts her with a story about Rhaegar that once again show that he’s not this rapist warmonger that we were led to believe, but that he might truly be a super duper nice guy. Say a guy that would run off with a girl from the North and have a baby with her.I mean– sounds like that’s a possibility.

They then take another turn from the books and have the Sons of the Harpy attack the Unsullied to which Barristan runs to help and help he does. But with very sad results. Yes he kills way more people than you’d expect and appears to save Grey Worm’s life. However that only results in the loss of his own and Grey Worm seems to be dying as well. I’m assuming they are doing this to shake up this story line and if it makes Dany less boring I’m all for it even though I’m super sad that Ser Barristan had to die to achieve this.

So just in case I didn’t do a good job explaining it– I found this handy dandy explanation on Tumblr of all the Rhaegar and Lyanna theory confirmations:

Game of Thrones: The House of Black and White. Where have all the strong female characters gone?

Two episodes into season 5 and we get to see a better picture of how they are deviating from the book storylines. However, I was reminded last night about how stupid most of the female characters become. Do we have hope that they will redeem themselves? I’d like to talk about each woman we saw this week, so here it goes:

Arya

No one can say Arya is weak. She’s one of the strongest characters in the whole series and now she’s going to learn how to become No One. Not too put off by her rejection from the House of Black and White she goes to make her own way in Braavos. Yeah she waits around for a bit. . .says a prayer. . . and then makes her way out into Braavos to find her next move.

Arya is super scary in her pigeon killing and fearlessness. The Old Man came and got her before she killed the boys harassing her though and took her back to the House of Black and White– showing himself as Jaqen H’ghar (which had long been speculated by fans but now at least confirmed on the show). She is starting a long and hard journey to become No One and I have a feeling it will be hard to watch. Although after watching all of Daredevil I’m open to blind people doing hardcore stuff.

I bought this robe at Coachella

Brienne 

Brienne and Pod are making their way trough the Wide Wide World and wonder of wonders they run into Sansa and Littlefinger. This is a departure from the books, but I’m interested to see where they are going with this. I’m just glad to not only see scenes with one of the few remaining strong female characters, but we also got to see her be a BMF. She might be a little naive when it comes to how the world works socially, but she totally knows how it works when it comes to killing people. She offers her help to Sansa and Sansa (like the idiot she is) turns down her help citing Brienne’s presence at Joffery’s wedding (umm I’m pretty sure everyone was there). Littlefinger makes a few jabs at Brienne’s motives and comments on her new sword, but she ignores those. She also manages not only to avoid Littlefinger’s attempt at killing her,but kills everyone in the general area while she’s at it.

We see her last following after Littlefinger and Sansa still not giving up on her quest. Although Sansa is less annoying here than in the books I still can’t stand her.

In the books Pod and Brienne are still searching for the Stark girls having found neither of them, but have found someone who was probably once The Hound and then later run into Lady Stoneheart. Sansa is being an idiot in the Eryie still pretending to be Littlefinger’s bastard. So I’m cool with these changes– although I hope they don’t write out Lady Stoneheart.

Seriously how can she resist an oath by the old Gods and the new?

Cersei

First off that is a crazy package to hold a fake snake. Of course they are sending it to a crazy woman. Cersei is super cray cray. She’s breaking under her attempts to control Tommen, Jaime, Highgarden, and it’s driving her crazy that Myrcella is out of her control. Of course her family ordered the murder of the princess of Dorne and that resulted in the rape, murder and then rape again of said princess all while The Mountain had Prince Aegon’s brain matter on his hands. So I could see why she would worry about Princess Myrcella’s safety in Dorne. She sends Jaime away to get Myrcella back which is going to leave her more vulnerable than she realizes.

In the book she’s even crazier, but she thinks she’s in control of everything. Jaime has already left to go squash the Stark rebellion and avoid his sister after what he heard Tyrion say about her. A lot happens to him out on the road during that so I’m wondering if they are going to have all that stuff happen on the way to Dorne. Also in the books they send another member of the Kingsguard to Dorne which is full of tension for other reasons so I wonder how closely they are going to stay with the storyline of what is happening in Dorne right now.

Cersei manages to offend most of the Small Council and shows her inexperience and lack of political savvy by not managing them well. Her uncle whom she tries to push to the side refuses her and leaves. In the books she asks him to be hand, but he only agrees to it if she will go to Casterly Rock and leave Tommen alone so as to not corrupt him like she did with Joffery. She takes that super well and is glad to see him go. She meanwhile continues to dig her own grave.

Lolly’s Stokeworth

Haha she’s totally not a strong female character. Here we see a flighty character that is complaining that her  sister (who is heir) likes to pick on her. Bronn very scarily tells her that her sister will get what is coming to her. In the books Lollys was raped repeatedly by people in Flea Bottom when Joffery was attacked on the way back from see Myrcella off to Dorne. She became pregnant and Bronn agreed to marry her to jump up his status. She is written off as a simple witted person (which could be anything from a serious mental issue to just kind of stupid), but the rape and pregnancy has made her even worse. Later in the books Bronn does kill off everyone so that Lollys inherits, but it looks like that now they might not even get married.

I kinda liked the union– Bronn was 100% a psycho, but still. . .

Sorry for the language, but I’m pretty sure that’s his official title

Myrcella and the Sand Snakes

I know that that’s two very different types, but they are in the same area so that works right?  The Sand Snakes are Oberyn’s bastard daughters who are warrior women and want vengeance for their father’s death. Myrcella is weak as weak can be. She’s a silly girl playing at Princess. It is well noted that she’s a sweet girl in the books which protects her from a lot of the cruelty. A bunch is about to go down in Dorne and I’ll be interested to see if what new characters get introduced into the show.

There is foreshadowing in the books that Myrcella will one day be Queen for a while.

Daenerys

 This is the person that makes me the most upset that she isn’t strong anymore. She’s caught a Son of the Harpy and what she needs to do is feed him to her dragons and instead she holds him prisoner for trial. Welp, that works out as well as you’d expect. He is murdered while in custody and she then chops off the murder’s head in front of all of her supporters.  Who suddenly don’t support her anymore (she’s the only one surprised by this). Let. Your. Dragons. Loose. Burn this city to the ground. Now. Seriously woman.

She does bond with Drogon for a moment which is nice.

I’m pretty sure he’s saying “Why haven’t you figured this out yet?”

Varys

What do you mean he’s not a female? Well he doesn’t have all the requisite man parts so I’ll count it. He once again shows that he knows what’s up as does Tyrion. We finally get to see Tyrion become a little motivated again and Varys is doing a good job encouraging him. I mostly just want to mention that the next time I go on vacation I want to travel in a carriage like that.

Yes, yes she is. Oh and Qyburn is the creepiest creeper ever.

Gilly and Shireen

Gilly is trying to learn to read and is being taught by Stannis’ daughter Shireen who has greyscale. I find it so interesting to hear Gilly talking to her about the disease. In the books the wildlings are openly disgusted by Shireen’s illness and think she should have been put to death years ago. I’ve always wondered if an interaction with White Walkers would change Shireen’s illness for better or for worse. Shireen for someone so put down is actually a lot more independent than you would think. Gilly on the other hand isn’t so much. She does seem to have a bit more character development here though and maybe she will end up better than she does in the books (not that she’s a bad character– just a forgettable one).

Lyanna Mormont

All the Mormont women are strong forceful women and I have to say I love her response to Stannis. That’s what I would like to think I would have said to him. She’s lost her mother and her sisters (they aren’t all confirmed dead, but it doesn’t look great for them) and she still sticks by the Starks. Even though there aren’t really any Starks left either– that she knows of. These are she-bears who ride into war– they won’t be pushed around by any pretender King. And I love her for it.

Bye Felicia.

We also see Stannis offer Jon Snow Winterfell and the title of Lord Stark. This has to be the hardest thing ever to turn down. This is what he would have dreamed of, but in true Jon Snow fashion he sticks by his word and stays with the Watch.

Sam also manages to get Jon Snow elected as the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. I’m mostly disappointed in how they did this on the show. The book had this election last for days and Sam tricked all the people running into supporting Jon so that he won. Also when he won Lord Mormont’s bird flew out and chose him as well. So much more flair.

So this week we learned that most of the women in Westeros are weak, simple minded, idiots, but when they are strong they are super crazy strong. Thanks GRRM for writing such well rounded characters. . .oh wait.

(I do believe my recent marathon of rereading Brandon Sanderson’s books and seeing real women as leaders I’ve become angry at GRRM for writing such weak women).

There were an amazing lack of boobage this week and I am 100% happy with that. If you’re going to show me weak women at least leave their clothes on them.

Game of Thrones: The Wars to Come. They are deviating from the books?! EVERYONE RIOT!

So we’ve heard so much about how the books and show are not really going to coincide in the future and people have been upset.  My response? Duh. GRRM is busy looking like a boat captain troll instead of finishing the books. Right now I’m waiting for GRRM to die so Brandon Sanderson can take over the series, finish the rest of the books in about six months and create a better written book then we’ve gotten so far. He did it for Robert Jordan and did a masterful job.

As always though I will hit the highlights of this episode and note any changes/deviations from the book series. Sometimes– like in the case of Sansa– this isn’t the worst thing. BE WARNED!! There are so very many spoilers in this post that if you haven’t read the books or if you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole of the Internet theories you should stop reading this now. I’m going to cover what happened in the show vs what happened in the books and to throw some spoilers on top I’m also going to talk about theories I have.

Maggy the Frog

Maggy is a fortune teller that Cersei and two friends met with in Lannisport. The fortune that Maggy gives Cersei in the show is pretty much what she told her in the books. Of course she thinks that Maggy means that she will marry Rheagar, but obviously that’s not what she meant. She also told Cersei that the “valonqar” would “wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.” Valonqar means little brother in High Valyrian so she of course takes it to mean that Tyrion is going to kill her, but what she’s ignoring is that Jaime is also her little brother. Also Maggy wasn’t super specific about everything so it could just be a younger brother of someone else. However, when it’s all said and done there are so many people that want to kill her it’ll probably be someone we don’t care about that kills her.

The show left out the other friend (who ran away before getting her fortune read anyway) so I would have left her out too, and they left out the friend that was there getting her fortune told. The other girl asked Maggy if she would marry Jaime and Maggy told her she would die that night. It’s implied that Cersei pushed her down a well to die and I feel like she did so because she was interested in Jaime. Cersei wanted to marry Rheagar at this point, but I don’t think she would have ever shared Jaime with anyone.

This fortune telling is very important in the upcoming time period because Cersei becomes obsessed with killing Tyrion because she thinks he will not only kill her, but hurt her remaining children as well.

Tywin’s Funeral

Cersei storms in to see her father and ignores all the people she needs politically. She once again shows that Tyrion is the better Lannister. She lays the blame of Tywin’s death on Jaime’s feet and wants Tyrion’s head to pay for his crimes. She has a big long crazy rant here, but we all knew she was crazy.

The big thing they left out of this part is that he smelled so bad. People were sick during the funeral because he smelled like a sewer. It is possible that Tywin was already poisoned by the Martells and would have died anyway. He also dried out very strangely which made it appear that he was smiling in a crazy manner. Both the smell and the smile hurt the tone of this event and make Cersei even crazier. I do wish they’d left in the smell thing because Cersei showed her craziness even more by blaming the Sisters who prepared the body of trying to harm his reputation.

Tyrion 

OK they take another big departure here, but I think it’s all going to end up in the same place. Last night Tyrion showed up across the narrow sea at an estate with Varys and he’s given the option to stay there and drink himself to death or to go with Varys to Meereen to help restore Dany to her throne. Jokes and quips are made, but he finally agrees to go with Varys.

In the books he ends up at Illyrio Mopatis’ estate and is sent off with people in obvious disguise to meet Dany. Tyrion eventually figures out that one of the people in the crew is an exiled– believed dead Lord and Rheagar’s young son that is also thought to be dead. It is never clear if he’s actually the boy or if he’s a good impostor, but he’s been raised to one day return to King’s Landing to take his throne back. He’s going to Dany though because she has dragons– and a dragon must have three heads after all. Which in my theory world is Dany, Jon and one other person I can’t 100% decide on.

In the books not everything works out as expected (yes– shocking I know), but he still ends up in Meereen. He just isn’t in a position to gain audience with Dany. So sure they’re skipping all that so he can go with Varys and more characters don’t have to be introduced. I get that, but does that mean that Rheagar’s child is an impostor? Or that his storyline isn’t important? Cause if it’s not that is a lot to write about someone that doesn’t matter.

Back with Dany

Dany is destroying the Harpy and is still meeting resistance within this city. This whole story drives me crazy. Dany can’t figure out why she can’t rule. Dany has locked up her dragons. Dany allows the people of the city to push her around and murder her Unsullied. OK here’s the thing. You have dragons– mother of dragons– how about you burn this mother down and then the next city you try to rule will listen to you when you tell them what to do. Quit bowing and scraping and act.

They don’t deviate that much from the books. Dany suddenly becomes weak and uninteresting in those as well. Don’t worry by the end of book 5 she begins to become interesting again.

Castle Black

Jon is training young kids and Sam is being mocked. So it’s business as usual. Really what they are doing is setting up what is about to happen with Jon Snow. Some aspects of this story they have sped up and others they’ve slowed down. I’m not really sure why they’ve done this, but I’m not going to spoil too much here. Just Melisandre is a super creeper towards Jon Snow and I don’t understand why her hair looks so dark.

They have Mance Rayder in custody and have told him that he must bend the knee or he will be burned. He chooses the second option and we see him put on a pyre. Jon Snow shoots an arrow into him which interrupts the sacrifice to the Red God and doesn’t please Stannis or any of his crew.

In the books Mance is killed in a similar way, but dies begging for his life and claiming that he wasn’t really Mance. Later Jon Snow finds out that Melisandre has put a spell on Mance and Rattleshirt so they they look like each other and it was really Rattleshirt that was killed. Mance plays a big role later in an attempt to save Arya. So I’m interested if they somehow save this plot line as it was one that made you like Melisandre a little. Right now she’s just a weirdo that likes sex with odd people, gives birth to demon babies and likes fire on an unhealthly level.

Stannis did offer Winterfell to Jon Snow and the hand of the “wildling princess” but Jon turned it down. He wanted Winterfell, but he won’t abandon his vows and he won’t take this thing that should have been Robb’s or Bran’s. Stannis and Melisandre deserve each other.

We’re twinsies!

Sansa and Littlefinger

We see Littlefinger plotting and double speaking about Sansa’s name. I wish that Robin (aka Robert) had been left with someone to be beaten into the ground. It probably would make a man of him. Sadly though in the books Sansa is still playing the part of Littlefinger’s bastard daughter and having to deal with a crying little boy that for some reason is always rubbing on her breasts. I rarely say that I am happy that a show departs from the book, but right now I’m glad I don’t have to see that. I do wish Sansa would grow up though and stop going along with Littlefinger’s plots.

Brienne and Pod

Arya has run off and refused Brienne’s help while Pod is trying to motivate his “knight.” Brienne is kind of a cod to Pod here and all he’s trying to do is help her. This is another departure from the books, but I’m hoping that they will get back to what happens in the books. I won’t say too much about it just in case– but it has to do with zombies, Jaime Lannister and hangings. (Sansa is tantalizingly passing them in a carriage with Littlefinger– I guess to build tension).

Cersei

Cersei is bored at the reception for her father. She’s being forced to listen to everyone talk about how amazing her father was and how no one will ever match his greatness. Instead of taking these at what they are– platitudes– she assumes that they are slights aimed at her. She sees herself as Tywin Lannister the second– only with breasts to better manipulate those around her. Her anger is growing at the arranged marriage that was put in place for Tommen and as her drinking begins to increase so does her quest for absolute power. Now did they say all that in the show? Nope. but that’s what’s happening in the books and that’s what I picked up on through her body language in this episode.

The big thing that happens in this segment is that Lancel (her first cousin whom she had an affair with after Robert’s death– during Jaime’s capture) implies that he might let everyone know about their “unnatural relations” and about how he made sure that Robert was so drunk during his boar hunt that an accident was almost guaranteed. Cersei feigns ignorance, but it’s obvious that this is driving her crazy. It’s yet another area that she doesn’t have absolute control.

This is a understandable departure from the books. In the series he is given the land of Darry and is forced to take a wife. Instead of doing his husbandly duties he chooses to spend all of his time in prayer. Jaime is witness to all of this– and to his wife’s promiscuity during his march to face the Blackfish. Jaime is actually the one who talks to Lancel and hears about the boar hunt and his relationship with Cersei. This just reinforces all the things that Tyrion said to him during his escape. That Cersei was having sex with Lancel, the Kettleblacks and Moon Boy (the last one being a quip, but sticks in his mind). Later– when Cersei requests his return– for reasons– Jamie ignores her because of what she has done. He sees their incestuous relationship as something pure and he’s never desired or taken another woman, but has now found out that Cersei was just using him too for her own gains. This revelation is a big turning point for Jaime’s character and I wonder how they will replace that exchange in the show since Cersei ended up being the one to deal with Lancel.

Creeper of the Year Award

Margaery Tyrell

A couple friends of mine and I watched this as it aired and before the episode started I guessed that we’d see 5 pairs of boobs before the end of the episode, and although we fell short of that I feel like I should be able to add in all the bare butts that we got a view of. This scene opens up on Margaery’s brother Loras and his new lover doing lover-y things and Margaery walks right in and sits on the bed. She claims that she’s hungry and that they are late to see the King, but it’s super awkward. I don’t care that Loras is in there with another man– you don’t walk in on your brother nude with someone else and make yourself a spot on the bed to chat. I get as hangry as the next person, but nope. She seems to be checking out Olyvar just as much as her brother was. They have a brief discussion about Tywin’s death and the impact that that will have on Loras’ engagement to Cersei. Margaery is obviously plotting something. Although a scene not in the books– this is right on target as to what was going on between these two. The only thing I don’t think they have emphasized enough is Margaery’s reputation among court. She’s a woman that was married (to a man that was well known as gay though) and has been wedded to Tommen’s older brother, but as soon as she’s promised to Tommen she adopts a childlike attitude. She’s surrounded by maidens and they occupy themselves with everything that is good and innocent and sweet. That’ll be important later on.

Tyrion and Varys

We see Tyrion in much better shape, but still drinking heavily. They discuss the plan to take Tyrion to Meereen and Varys goal to bring peace to King’s Landing. I’ve talked about this earlier, but any scene with Peter Dinklage should be mentioned again.

Dany in Meereen

She’s still ruling like a queen that has been in power for a long time and not a queen that is struggling for power. Dany is listening to the wrong people and taking the wrong advice. Once again she’s the Mother of Dragons and she has her dragons chained up in the pyramids. She’s so concerned with the dragons killing other people that she’s letting the rebellion kill her people.

My theory is that to control the dragons you have to be able to warg into them a little. Like the Starks control their Direwolves. Dany just hasn’t figured out how to do it on purpose. When she was hurt and alone after their birth she did it by instinct. Now she has lost herself and her power.

Overall I’m not super concerned with their departures from the books because they are going to have to adapt to the fact that they have almost completely caught up with what has been written by GRRM and they need to foreshadow what is coming and we might see things that we don’t understand. I just wish that I could read it before I see it.

Game of Thrones: The Mountain and the Viper aka “Hello. My name is Oberyn Martell. You killed my sister, prepare to die.”

We start this episode out in Mole’s Town which I can’t help but think this is a place that must be hard to keep track of for all those Watchlings out there.  So just in case– it’s the town right outside of the wall that mostly consists of a whorehouse there to service the Sworn Brothers– you know the ones that swore to not have sex.  Yeah those guys.

Well the Wildlings bust in and murder a ton of people, but Ygritte spares Gilly and the babe.  Then we see Sam and the posse discussing if Gilly could have survived and what they should do about the Wildlings in general.  They mostly all decide they are screwed.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

This is just a big set up for next week and to show that Ygritte is a good person. No– you’ll get the pay off for these scenes at the Wall soon enough.

Switch to Grey Worm checking out Missandei and looking like he’s sexually frustrated.  Then Dany and her discussing how much was cut off when they became eunuchs. Grey Worm later apologizes while at the same time kind of declaring his love for her. He somehow also took a huge step forward in his mastery of The Common Tongue.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

So Dany actually got a lot of details about the castration process when she bought the Unsullied. They have everything (Penis and Testicles) chopped off very early on so that they will never have any sexual desire to distract them from their duties. So I don’t really buy that Grey Worm is sexually attracted to anyone, but I would buy that he is lonely and wants love.  For those of you that don’t know, the boys that become Unsullied are taken at around the age of 5, trained, then cut, and on the day they are cut they are given a puppy.  After 1 year they are made to kill the puppy– those that don’t are killed and fed to dogs.  Then when they earn their title of Unsullied they have done so by going out into the marketplace, ripping a child from it’s mother’s breast and killing it in front of her.  He then gives the owner of the woman a coin to pay for the baby.  Yeah, so it’s pretty hardcore and I could see how someone like this could use some love.

Lets move on to Theon (Reek) and The Bastard. The Bastard is continuing his campaign of torment over Theon and uses him to manipulate the Ironmen left at Moat Cailin. Theon gets them to surrender and then The Bastard flayed them all. The Bastard of Bolton really is one of the most despicable characters in this series.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You mostly know it all. The only thing you’re missing is that extent that The Bastard has gone through to brainwash Theon.  He thinks everything might be a trap created by the Bastard in order to inflict more pain on him.  Other than that– this scene is all that it seems.

OK now here we go.  The episode before this ended with Littlefinger throwing Lysa out the Moondoor. I stated before that in the books there was conveniently a singer hanging about that took the fall for Lysa’s murder, but since he wasn’t there I wondered how they would explain away this issue. Littlefinger appears cornered. He’s being grilled by the Lords of the Vale and looks to be losing this game.  Then they announce they want to interview “Alayne.” In comes Sansa looking very fragile and saying she must tell the truth.

Well evidently little Sansa has learned to play the game.  She tells everyone who she is really and that Littlefinger had saved her life.  She also gives an explanation for Lysa’s suicide.  At the end of this fantastic tale she exchanges a sly smile with Littlefinger.

Wow is all I gotta say about this.  I wonder how they will proceed with this storyline since this episode took a little bit of a turn from the books.

Littlefinger lays the groundwork to travel with Robyn– perhaps see that he gets killed somewhere– or just to see if he can actually grow up.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Sansa is still not known as herself, but is under the disguise of Alayne Stone– the bastard daughter of Littlefinger– in the books.  Also Sansa is not this cunning in the books either.  She’s still an idiot and doesn’t realize that she’s being manipulated at every turn.  Just throw her some lemon cakes and she’s good to go.  No words can describe my disdain for this character.

 

Meanwhile back in Mereen we see Barristan Selmy receive a mysterious message that turns out to be a pardon from Robert that somehow got lost in the mail (really– USPS is getting slower and slower these days. They should have sent it UPS). Seriously though it’s obviously a set up and conveniently just showed up. Dany sees this as a horrible betrayal and banishes him.  This is plainly the only choice she had so she didn’t appear weak.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Selmy was on the Small Council so he knew that Jorah was spying on her this whole time.  He’s also the one that spills the beans to Dany to turn her against Jorah.  To be fair he didn’t trust Jorah and was trying to look out for her.

Now we get to see two weirdos be super creepy together.  AKA Roose Bolton legitimizes his bastard son and places him over any future children he might have. He probably knows that Ramsey will most likely murder any future children anyway, because that’s how he does things.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Both these dude are waaaaaay messed up.  Hmmmm. . .you may have already figured that out.  Well how about Roose like to be leeched daily. Yeah cause that’s not weird.

Sansa now reveals why she lied to protect Littlefinger.  At least the show made this make sense. She protected him because she knows that if he’s gone she might be in a worse situation than she was in King’s Landing. OK I buy that. I’m going to skip ahead and cover the scene with Littlefinger and Robert  Robyn. Littlefinger is obviously plotting something.  He’s now setting up the boy to go on a journey with him and Sansa and we’ll have to see where this is going to take us.  I’d watch out if I was Robyn though.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

She looks so strong and smart now. Believe me in the books she’s still an idiot.  Always an idiot. Oh, and an idiot that never thinks about Arya and what possibly has happened to her.  Every now and then she feels mildly sad that the rest of her family is dead, but mostly just sad if she runs short of lemon cakes. Robyn (aka Robert) develops an unhealthy attachment to Sansa and feels the need to sleep with her every night.  GRRM also goes into great detail about how he pushes up against her boobs to go to sleep and then pees the bed. Yeah this storyline is mostly messed up.

Now Arya and The Hound have reached the Vale and have a super hilarious scene where Arya laughs joyfully when she finds out that her Aunt Lysa is dead. Really it’s just their luck that they would make this huge journey just to hit a dead end.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Arya and The Hound never made it to The Vale in the books.  In fact they should be parting ways soon and I’m interested to see if the show decides to break up this dream team.  They have to eventually right?  Maybe this is season finale material? Arya’s storyline just gets better and better though.

Of course they’ve saved for the last the story we’ve been dying to watch.  Jaime and Tyrion have a heartfelt chat about how Tyrion is going to die and how they don’t have much hope of victory. They also share a touching story about a mentally handicapped relative of theirs that liked to smash beetles and how Tyrion tried to figure out why this child wanted to smash the beetles. This lovely story ended with the cousin getting killed by a mule.  The moral of the story being that life and death have no point.

Seriously she’s an amazing actress in these scenes.

Cut to Tyrion being led out to his trial.  Tyrion questions Oberyn’s lack of armor and a helmet (hehe) and Oberyn brushes his concerns off.  Which I have to admit when you watch his fighting styles it’s obvious that he does much better unencumbered. Here’s where it gets good. Oberyn takes the field all cocky and promises not to die and leave his paramour alone.

Oberyn does an amazing impression of Inigo Montoya by repeating, “You raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children.” over and over while attacking The Mountain. This chant seems to do what it was intended  as he repeatedly stabs his adversary and appears to have dealt the winning blows.

But wait, this is A Game of Thrones— just as it appears he’s won The Mountain grabs him, admits his murder and rape and then smashes his head like watermelon.  Yep.  That’s the end of the Viper.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Nothing really from the brotherly aspect. Jaime and Tyrion really do love each other and Jaime is realizing Tyrion is the better of his siblings. Tyrion doesn’t have much hope for a positive outcome, yet his hopes are raised throughout the battle. . .until they aren’t.

Never fear though!  The Viper is not done with The Mountain.  How you ask?  You saw his head popped like a really disgusting pimple right? Well, yes, but he may have performed some treachery before his death.  I won’t spoil that for you though.  I’m sure we’ll find out in about 2 weeks.

 

Up next week it appears to be the battle for the Wall– believe me all will not go as planned.

Major Character Deaths: One– Oberyn Martell

Boob Count: 8 pairs I think? There were a lot of background boobs.