Game of Thrones: High Sparrow. The one where they throw the books out the window– like Bran.

This week’s episode shows us what they meant when they said they were changing things from the books. They totally weren’t kidding about that.

Arya

She is striving to become no one yet she is holding onto her anger and her past. She continues her prayers and her hoard of treasures that she gathered since her escape from King’s Landing. Jaqen H’ghar is very mysterious here talking about how A Man behaves and who A Man is. I feel like I should start talking like that. “A Woman needs you to take out the trash.” That works right?

There is a young blind girl– or what appears to be a young blind girl who works there who begins to hit Arya when she questions her. Before Arya can kill her though Jaqen points out to her that Arya cannot become a faceless man while still holding on to her name. This leads Aray to throw away all her belongings– well all of them but Needle which she stashes in a crevice.

I’m so glad they left this scene in– in fact I’m going to just quote the book:

“It’s just a stupid sword,” she said, aloud this time…
… but it wasn’t.
Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell’s grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan’s stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow’s smile.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Feast for Crows

I feel like if she had given up Needle that she would have been lost for good. One other thing that the show hasn’t done well with Arya is show that she’s still having wolf dreams. This whole time she’s been living through her wolf at night– seeing what she sees and killing with her. Unlike Sansa, who lost her wolf, Arya is still connected to the North through her wolf. And through Needle.

Later on Jaqen takes her to learn how to clean the dead and starts her on her journey to become a faceless man. Which is important too, but not as many feels as the scene with Needle.

Margaery and Tommen

First of all– gross. If we want to cover departures from the books this is one of those. In the books Tommen is a whopping 8 or 9 years old and his favorite thing to do is stamping his royal seal on documents. So obviously they don’t consummate their marriage. Actually Cersei tries to frame Margaery later on in the books for cheating on Tommen. She assumes that an older woman would have a sexual appetite and although she might be right– it back fires on her just a bit. So although some of the resulting scenes are hilarious after their wedding night all I could think was– wow that’s disgusting. I know in the show he’s older, but still not that much older.

Margaery is an amazing manipulator though. She takes Tommen’s virginity and then pushes all the right buttons to begin to push Cersei out of the way. Cersei tries to do the same to Tommen the next day, but he turns it around on her. He’s begun talking about sending her away and that scares Cersei more than anything. Sorry mom– I’m pretty sure that the carrot is going to do a lot more than the stick in this instance. And once again even that analogy grosses me out. He’s a little boy.

Cut to Cersei interrupting Margaery talking about all the sex that she had last night with her child husband. Other than the child molestery comments Margaery is perfection. She issues barb after barb in Cersei’s direction. She mentions over and over again how old Cersei is and how she isn’t of any importance anymore. Well played Margaery, well played. Even if you did just have gross sex.

Disgustingly well played

Reek

It rhymes with meek. And grossed out. Poor Theon. The changes to show from the books have actually been in Theon’s favor– I hope for Sansa’s sake that it continues that way.

Sansa

Littlefinger has arranged for Sansa to marry Ramsey Snow Bolton and then stands uncomfortably close to convince her to go through with it. The only thing I can hope is that his speech about avenging her family means that he’s going to take the part of Lord Manderly from the books and is really plotting against the Boltons. After all Roose Bolton had a big hand in killing Caitlin Stark– the woman he truly loved.

This is the first huge departure I’ve seen this season from the books. In the books the Lannisters send “Arya Stark” to marry Ramsey Bolton. The Arya they have is a childhood friend of Sansa though that is just pretending to be Arya. Horrible. horrible things happen to this pretender and her situation leads Jon Snow into making decisions that are detrimental to his health. So I’m curious to see where they are going with this.

But in the show Sansa ends up back at Winterfell and Ramsey’s bitches (his term for them) look on– knowing what her fate will be if she marries Ramsey.

Pod and Brienne

We get to hear more of their back stories and we see why these two are how they are. Brienne has been horribly mistreated all her life because of her size and build. Brienne was loyal to Renly because of his actions towards her and I think we all can empathize with that sentiment.

Pod was similarly saved by the Lannisters because of his heritage (Pod is the relative of Ser Ilyn Payne– the King’s Justice who in the books received the Stark’s Valyrian steel sword, Ice. Until it gets melted down into 2 swords that is). He talks of his time with Tyrion with fondness as he’s one of the few  people that has seen Tyrion for what he is worth.

This was a nice scene for all the feels– and to keep us from forgetting about these two.

Jon Snow

He’s now the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and is still receiving pressure from Stannis to take Winterfell. Stannis then announces that he is going to march on Winterfell and they discuss the fate of the Wildlings. I have to say I was glad when he left though and he talked to Davos. Davos has a similar sense of honor, but with a pirate/smuggler feel to it and I feel like this is the first real conversation Jon has had with any of Stannis’ camp.

We are mostly on par with what happened in the books here with just a little less detail. This is one of the stories that I don’t understand why they are speeding up. Unless it’s just because the scenes at The Wall are dark and depressing.

Jon later splits up duties assigning a few menial duties and naming Ser Alliser first Ranger. He then tries to assign one of the broken down tower to Lord Janos Slynt. Slynt refuses which doesn’t go quite like he expected it to. Jon beheads him there in the yard for all to see. But really what other choice did he have? Here are some more book excerpts to explain the situation better:

Alliser Thorne smiled a thin smile, his black eyes fixed on Jon. At another table, Godry the Giantslayer began to laugh. “As you will.” Jon nodded to Iron Emmett. “Please take Lord Janos to the Wall— ”

and confine him to an ice cell , he might have said. A day or ten cramped up inside the ice would leave him shivering and feverish and begging for release, Jon did not doubt. And the moment he is out, he and Thorne will begin to plot again . And tie him to his horse , he might have said. If Slynt did not wish to go to Greyguard as its commander, he could go as its cook. It will only be a matter of time until he deserts, then. And how many others will he take with him?

“— and hang him,” Jon finished

Of course that’s not exactly how it ended:

“He would not dare to hang me. Janos Slynt has friends, important friends, you’ll see …” The wind whipped away the rest of his words.

This is wrong , Jon thought. “Stop.” Emmett turned back, frowning. “My lord?”

“I will not hang him,” said Jon. “Bring him here.”
“Oh, Seven save us,” he heard Bowen Marsh cry out. The smile that Lord Janos Slynt smiled then had all the sweetness of rancid butter.

Until Jon said, “Edd, fetch me a block,” and unsheathed Longclaw.

Jon really shows off how perfect he is from here on out. Which of course bodes well right?

I totally wouldn’t want to cut someone’s head off.

The High Sparrow

The High Septon is drug out of a brothel naked and made to walk back in front of everyone nude. He goes to complain to the small council and Cersei sees it as an opportunity to put someone in her debt into the High Septon’s place. So she goes to find the “High Sparrow” or the leader of the refugees that have come into the city.

He is a devout man that follows the law perfectly and stands by what he did to the High Septon. She behaves that she totally agrees and has arrested the High Septon and thinks that her and the Sparrows are on the same page. This will be important later.

In the books the High Septon was actually pulled to pieces during the riots and his crown stolen. The church then flounders for a while and shows it’s corruption while trying to find a new High Septon. This leaves it primed for the Sparrows to step in and take control– which they do.

I was shown a theory about the High Sparrow that I had somehow missed and I really really hope that it ends up to be true. I’ll just post it here though and tell me what you think. That would just be amazing.

We also get a glimpse of Qyburn’s project and are given the impression that he’s working on a Frankenstein like monster– which isn’t too far off.

He is special.

Tyrion

He utters his famous last words about how everything will be fine and he’ll blend in. Which of course he doesn’t at all. They take in a speech from the League of Assassins– I mean a Red Priestess and Tyrion of course draws her attention. So they follow that up with a restful evening at a brothel. A brothel that just happens to have Jorah Mormont in it as well. As soon as he can he snags Tyrion and proclaims he’s going to take Tyrion to the Queen. Now some watchlings might hear that and think that Jorah is going to take Tyrion to Cersei so he can reclaim his home and his title. However they’d be hella wrong. That is unless HBO is taking a huge left turn and really changing the story. Jorah is going to try to take Tyrion to Dany and try win her favor back.

As far as what’s happening on the show versus what’s happening in the books they’ve cut out about half a book’s worth of what Tyrion was doing. I’m not really sure why they did that since they are basing these shows on books that are running out of content. You’d think they’d flesh out what material they have instead, but I’m not in charge of this show obviously so I wonder if they are going to bring it around full circle or if this is one of the areas they also make big changes. We’ll see next week!

Cause Jorah just has ball gags laying around. . .for reasons.

Game of Thrones: The Wars to Come. They are deviating from the books?! EVERYONE RIOT!

So we’ve heard so much about how the books and show are not really going to coincide in the future and people have been upset.  My response? Duh. GRRM is busy looking like a boat captain troll instead of finishing the books. Right now I’m waiting for GRRM to die so Brandon Sanderson can take over the series, finish the rest of the books in about six months and create a better written book then we’ve gotten so far. He did it for Robert Jordan and did a masterful job.

As always though I will hit the highlights of this episode and note any changes/deviations from the book series. Sometimes– like in the case of Sansa– this isn’t the worst thing. BE WARNED!! There are so very many spoilers in this post that if you haven’t read the books or if you haven’t gone down the rabbit hole of the Internet theories you should stop reading this now. I’m going to cover what happened in the show vs what happened in the books and to throw some spoilers on top I’m also going to talk about theories I have.

Maggy the Frog

Maggy is a fortune teller that Cersei and two friends met with in Lannisport. The fortune that Maggy gives Cersei in the show is pretty much what she told her in the books. Of course she thinks that Maggy means that she will marry Rheagar, but obviously that’s not what she meant. She also told Cersei that the “valonqar” would “wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.” Valonqar means little brother in High Valyrian so she of course takes it to mean that Tyrion is going to kill her, but what she’s ignoring is that Jaime is also her little brother. Also Maggy wasn’t super specific about everything so it could just be a younger brother of someone else. However, when it’s all said and done there are so many people that want to kill her it’ll probably be someone we don’t care about that kills her.

The show left out the other friend (who ran away before getting her fortune read anyway) so I would have left her out too, and they left out the friend that was there getting her fortune told. The other girl asked Maggy if she would marry Jaime and Maggy told her she would die that night. It’s implied that Cersei pushed her down a well to die and I feel like she did so because she was interested in Jaime. Cersei wanted to marry Rheagar at this point, but I don’t think she would have ever shared Jaime with anyone.

This fortune telling is very important in the upcoming time period because Cersei becomes obsessed with killing Tyrion because she thinks he will not only kill her, but hurt her remaining children as well.

Tywin’s Funeral

Cersei storms in to see her father and ignores all the people she needs politically. She once again shows that Tyrion is the better Lannister. She lays the blame of Tywin’s death on Jaime’s feet and wants Tyrion’s head to pay for his crimes. She has a big long crazy rant here, but we all knew she was crazy.

The big thing they left out of this part is that he smelled so bad. People were sick during the funeral because he smelled like a sewer. It is possible that Tywin was already poisoned by the Martells and would have died anyway. He also dried out very strangely which made it appear that he was smiling in a crazy manner. Both the smell and the smile hurt the tone of this event and make Cersei even crazier. I do wish they’d left in the smell thing because Cersei showed her craziness even more by blaming the Sisters who prepared the body of trying to harm his reputation.

Tyrion 

OK they take another big departure here, but I think it’s all going to end up in the same place. Last night Tyrion showed up across the narrow sea at an estate with Varys and he’s given the option to stay there and drink himself to death or to go with Varys to Meereen to help restore Dany to her throne. Jokes and quips are made, but he finally agrees to go with Varys.

In the books he ends up at Illyrio Mopatis’ estate and is sent off with people in obvious disguise to meet Dany. Tyrion eventually figures out that one of the people in the crew is an exiled– believed dead Lord and Rheagar’s young son that is also thought to be dead. It is never clear if he’s actually the boy or if he’s a good impostor, but he’s been raised to one day return to King’s Landing to take his throne back. He’s going to Dany though because she has dragons– and a dragon must have three heads after all. Which in my theory world is Dany, Jon and one other person I can’t 100% decide on.

In the books not everything works out as expected (yes– shocking I know), but he still ends up in Meereen. He just isn’t in a position to gain audience with Dany. So sure they’re skipping all that so he can go with Varys and more characters don’t have to be introduced. I get that, but does that mean that Rheagar’s child is an impostor? Or that his storyline isn’t important? Cause if it’s not that is a lot to write about someone that doesn’t matter.

Back with Dany

Dany is destroying the Harpy and is still meeting resistance within this city. This whole story drives me crazy. Dany can’t figure out why she can’t rule. Dany has locked up her dragons. Dany allows the people of the city to push her around and murder her Unsullied. OK here’s the thing. You have dragons– mother of dragons– how about you burn this mother down and then the next city you try to rule will listen to you when you tell them what to do. Quit bowing and scraping and act.

They don’t deviate that much from the books. Dany suddenly becomes weak and uninteresting in those as well. Don’t worry by the end of book 5 she begins to become interesting again.

Castle Black

Jon is training young kids and Sam is being mocked. So it’s business as usual. Really what they are doing is setting up what is about to happen with Jon Snow. Some aspects of this story they have sped up and others they’ve slowed down. I’m not really sure why they’ve done this, but I’m not going to spoil too much here. Just Melisandre is a super creeper towards Jon Snow and I don’t understand why her hair looks so dark.

They have Mance Rayder in custody and have told him that he must bend the knee or he will be burned. He chooses the second option and we see him put on a pyre. Jon Snow shoots an arrow into him which interrupts the sacrifice to the Red God and doesn’t please Stannis or any of his crew.

In the books Mance is killed in a similar way, but dies begging for his life and claiming that he wasn’t really Mance. Later Jon Snow finds out that Melisandre has put a spell on Mance and Rattleshirt so they they look like each other and it was really Rattleshirt that was killed. Mance plays a big role later in an attempt to save Arya. So I’m interested if they somehow save this plot line as it was one that made you like Melisandre a little. Right now she’s just a weirdo that likes sex with odd people, gives birth to demon babies and likes fire on an unhealthly level.

Stannis did offer Winterfell to Jon Snow and the hand of the “wildling princess” but Jon turned it down. He wanted Winterfell, but he won’t abandon his vows and he won’t take this thing that should have been Robb’s or Bran’s. Stannis and Melisandre deserve each other.

We’re twinsies!

Sansa and Littlefinger

We see Littlefinger plotting and double speaking about Sansa’s name. I wish that Robin (aka Robert) had been left with someone to be beaten into the ground. It probably would make a man of him. Sadly though in the books Sansa is still playing the part of Littlefinger’s bastard daughter and having to deal with a crying little boy that for some reason is always rubbing on her breasts. I rarely say that I am happy that a show departs from the book, but right now I’m glad I don’t have to see that. I do wish Sansa would grow up though and stop going along with Littlefinger’s plots.

Brienne and Pod

Arya has run off and refused Brienne’s help while Pod is trying to motivate his “knight.” Brienne is kind of a cod to Pod here and all he’s trying to do is help her. This is another departure from the books, but I’m hoping that they will get back to what happens in the books. I won’t say too much about it just in case– but it has to do with zombies, Jaime Lannister and hangings. (Sansa is tantalizingly passing them in a carriage with Littlefinger– I guess to build tension).

Cersei

Cersei is bored at the reception for her father. She’s being forced to listen to everyone talk about how amazing her father was and how no one will ever match his greatness. Instead of taking these at what they are– platitudes– she assumes that they are slights aimed at her. She sees herself as Tywin Lannister the second– only with breasts to better manipulate those around her. Her anger is growing at the arranged marriage that was put in place for Tommen and as her drinking begins to increase so does her quest for absolute power. Now did they say all that in the show? Nope. but that’s what’s happening in the books and that’s what I picked up on through her body language in this episode.

The big thing that happens in this segment is that Lancel (her first cousin whom she had an affair with after Robert’s death– during Jaime’s capture) implies that he might let everyone know about their “unnatural relations” and about how he made sure that Robert was so drunk during his boar hunt that an accident was almost guaranteed. Cersei feigns ignorance, but it’s obvious that this is driving her crazy. It’s yet another area that she doesn’t have absolute control.

This is a understandable departure from the books. In the series he is given the land of Darry and is forced to take a wife. Instead of doing his husbandly duties he chooses to spend all of his time in prayer. Jaime is witness to all of this– and to his wife’s promiscuity during his march to face the Blackfish. Jaime is actually the one who talks to Lancel and hears about the boar hunt and his relationship with Cersei. This just reinforces all the things that Tyrion said to him during his escape. That Cersei was having sex with Lancel, the Kettleblacks and Moon Boy (the last one being a quip, but sticks in his mind). Later– when Cersei requests his return– for reasons– Jamie ignores her because of what she has done. He sees their incestuous relationship as something pure and he’s never desired or taken another woman, but has now found out that Cersei was just using him too for her own gains. This revelation is a big turning point for Jaime’s character and I wonder how they will replace that exchange in the show since Cersei ended up being the one to deal with Lancel.

Creeper of the Year Award

Margaery Tyrell

A couple friends of mine and I watched this as it aired and before the episode started I guessed that we’d see 5 pairs of boobs before the end of the episode, and although we fell short of that I feel like I should be able to add in all the bare butts that we got a view of. This scene opens up on Margaery’s brother Loras and his new lover doing lover-y things and Margaery walks right in and sits on the bed. She claims that she’s hungry and that they are late to see the King, but it’s super awkward. I don’t care that Loras is in there with another man– you don’t walk in on your brother nude with someone else and make yourself a spot on the bed to chat. I get as hangry as the next person, but nope. She seems to be checking out Olyvar just as much as her brother was. They have a brief discussion about Tywin’s death and the impact that that will have on Loras’ engagement to Cersei. Margaery is obviously plotting something. Although a scene not in the books– this is right on target as to what was going on between these two. The only thing I don’t think they have emphasized enough is Margaery’s reputation among court. She’s a woman that was married (to a man that was well known as gay though) and has been wedded to Tommen’s older brother, but as soon as she’s promised to Tommen she adopts a childlike attitude. She’s surrounded by maidens and they occupy themselves with everything that is good and innocent and sweet. That’ll be important later on.

Tyrion and Varys

We see Tyrion in much better shape, but still drinking heavily. They discuss the plan to take Tyrion to Meereen and Varys goal to bring peace to King’s Landing. I’ve talked about this earlier, but any scene with Peter Dinklage should be mentioned again.

Dany in Meereen

She’s still ruling like a queen that has been in power for a long time and not a queen that is struggling for power. Dany is listening to the wrong people and taking the wrong advice. Once again she’s the Mother of Dragons and she has her dragons chained up in the pyramids. She’s so concerned with the dragons killing other people that she’s letting the rebellion kill her people.

My theory is that to control the dragons you have to be able to warg into them a little. Like the Starks control their Direwolves. Dany just hasn’t figured out how to do it on purpose. When she was hurt and alone after their birth she did it by instinct. Now she has lost herself and her power.

Overall I’m not super concerned with their departures from the books because they are going to have to adapt to the fact that they have almost completely caught up with what has been written by GRRM and they need to foreshadow what is coming and we might see things that we don’t understand. I just wish that I could read it before I see it.

Game of Thrones: Mockingbird. You are the Wind Beneath My Wings.

This episode contained a ton of set up.  This is one of those episodes that I have trouble judging how Watchlings would receive it.  As I am watching I’m getting super excited about all that is about to happen which makes me wonder if all the Watchlings out there are bored or confused.

Jamie and Tyrion

We start out with Jamie and Tyrion arguing about Tyrion’s speech at the end of his trial.  Jamie sees it as idiotic and Tyrion sees it as his only option to fight back.  For all Jamie’s desire to have Tyrion shipped off to the Night’s Watch I wonder what his actions would have been in a similar situation.  Tyrion makes very valid points to Jamie.  Jamie was playing right into Tywin’s hands.  He would have gotten rid of his embarrassment of son and gained his heir back to the place he wanted.

Tyrion’s pleas to get Jamie to fight for him are heartbreaking.  Tyrion loves his brother and I do believe Jamie loves Tyrion, but Jamie also knows that he can’t beat the Mountain and I think Jamie feels powerless against his father and sister.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jamie knows all to well about Tyrion falling in love with a whore. Tyrion married a girl when he was very young that he loved very much and said that she loved him.  They lived together for a time and then Tywin told Tyrion that Jamie had hired the girl to have sex with Tyrion and then it had gotten out of control. Tywin took the girl and gave her to all his soldiers and then had Tyrion “service” her in front of everyone else.  This has haunted Tyrion since that time and if the show follows the books Jamie is about to drop a revelation about this young girl very soon.

Cersei and The Mountain:

Cut to a huge guy disemboweling some people evidently for fun and Cersei watching.  I’m not real sure where these people have come from.  Do they keep people around just for him to slice up?  That seems like a healthy past time.  This scene mostly is just to set up that The Mountain is The Wu Tang Clan, Dr. Dre and Tupac all rolled into one huge scary person.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Are you aware that Cersei is a heartless conniving bitch? OK good.  How about that The Mountain is a psychopath and has killed more people than I can count?  OK good.  So you got this.

The Hound and Arya:

Ahhh, my favorite homicidal travelers.  Arya and The Hound have left quite a bit of death and destruction in their wake and it doesn’t appear to be slowing down anytime soon. The scene opens up with them riding up to a scene of mayhem and death.  There is one person left, slowly dying from a wound to the stomach.  The three of them talk about life, death and the everafter for a while. Then the conversation comes to an abrupt end when The Hound shoves a knife under the mans ribs into his heart.  This was a mercy kill so the man didn’t have to slowly die a painful death there on the road.  The Hound looks meaningfully at Arya and says “That’s where the heart is. That’s how you kill a man.” Then suddenly there is someone biting into The Hound’s neck and trying to kill him to which the Hound responds by quickly snapping the neck of his attacker. I would like to say that is also how you kill a man.

Since the one dude bit a chunk out of The Hound’s neck I’m assuming he’s Rorge’s counterpart Biter.  Biter was supposed to be killed by Gendry, but I’ll take the change.  It’s an acceptable alteration.  Rorge likewise was killed in a different manner (Brienne killed him), but this was an awesome scene with Arya and stayed true to character.  It does ask the question though, that if they are already dead now, will Brienne and Pod run into any action on the Kingsroad now?

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Arya did know who Rorge and Biter were.  They joined the Bloody Mummers aka The Brave Companions with Jaqen H’ghar and helped Arya free the Northman that were captured at Harrenhall.  Also they were scarier in the book then they are in the show.  Also The Hound should have already been seriously injured so I’m wondering if this bite will turn into something serious since he wouldn’t let Arya cleanse it with fire.  Oh we haven’t gotten to that part yet? OK sorry, continue.

Meanwhile on the Wall:

We see Janos Slynt singling out Jon Snow and trying to make him look like a coward, an idiot and a traitor.  This break it mostly just to remind you that there is stuff going on at the Wall that will be important later.  So yeah.  Janos is a douche. Jon knows what he’s talking about. Let’s continue.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Winter is coming. Oh yeah, I think you’ve picked up on that.

Bronn and Tyrion:

Bronn very succinctly explains why he won’t be Tyrion’s champion.  I think that this rejection hurts a lot worse then Jamie’s. It’s logical. Bronn was always for Bronn (the dwarves are for the dwarves!) and it wouldn’t fit if he suddenly changed.  However, I do think that Bronn wished that he was a better man.  A more loyal man. But at the end of the day he is just Bronn: The Sell Sword.

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Nope.  This was pretty much word for word from the books.  And done amazingly well. Look that that last touch that Bronn throws in though.  Yep, he really does care about Tyrion. The only other thing I’d add is that you may have forgotten that Lollys is knocked up with a baby from her gang rape that occurred when they sent Marcella off to Dorne. Bronn later names that baby Tyrion and I think he does that just to let Cersei know that she may have bought his cooperation, but not his loyalty (if he actually had much left).

Dany and Daario Naharis:

So Dany sends Daario to kill the Masters, but not before she exercised her right of first night with Daario. Hmmm or maybe she’s just been alone with guys for a really long time and liked the way Daario massages. . .his knives.  Anyway, insert sex scene– wait scratch that– insert sex scene that isn’t shown.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Dany has been fantasizing about this for a while so she’s mostly just doing this for herself.  It leads to some sticky situations later, but really as I’ve stated before Dany is just boring right now.  Of course putting her in that dress makes her more interesting.

Melisandre and Selyse:

As if to make up for not showing the sex scene between Daario and Dany we see the Red Woman naked for an uncomfortably long time. Blah, blah, blah, they are both crazy and creepy.  Oh and evidently the Red Woman wants Seylse’s daughter along just in case they need to sacrifice her to the Red God. Totally normal.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

You’ve probably gotten everything you need out of this.  They are both really weird and really creepy.  The Red Woman will become more and more important as time goes on.

Dany and Jorah:

Yeah I’m not even going to address this.  We are reminded once again Dany is a strong female character. We got it.

The Hound and Arya

I mentioned before the whole fire/infection issue.  I am curious as to where this is going to take us.  I doubt that the sketchy water Arya washed it out with is going to fix it.  The Hound is one of those characters (like Jamie Lannister) that I truly hated for so long, but then once I got to see his character develop I love him. I want to hug and protect him as no one ever did for him.  Imagine having to live with someone that you were always afraid they might kill you for the fun of it. Yeah, just not cool.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

The Mountain is the head of the house because his father died under suspicious circumstances as did his sister and his two wives.  The Mountain is also known for killing people on a whim. So yeah his baby brother might have a few issues he needs to work through.  Evidently the Stark girls bring out all the good in him.

Brienne and Pod:

The adventure continues with our daring duo.  Hot Pie offers some comedy relief and Brienne’s expressions are priceless. However Hot Pie does come through in the end and spills the beans on Arya.  Good thing Brienne isn’t one of the bad guys.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books something big is about to go down with these two.  We’ll see if it happens in the show.  My only spoiler/theory/thought that I’d like to add is to the readers out there.  What if the one word Brienne says at a critical moment is Arya? We’ll see.  (EDIT: My brother pointed out to me that GRRM has confirmed that they word she said was sword– so I was wrong). They are now on their way to the Erie which in and of itself is a bit different than the books so maybe we’ll all be surprised.

The Red Viper and Tyrion:

Out of all the people Tyrion didn’t expect to visit him Prince Oberyn was probably very high on that list. This whole conversation is mostly word for word out of the books.  It was more heartbreaking to watch than to read. Cersei has hated Tyrion for so long. Because of his deformity, or the fact that their mother died during childbirth, or because he interrupted what she had with Jamie.  Who knows? All I know is that it was painful to watch Oberyn tell Tyrion about his visit all those years ago.

And the emotion that Tyrion showed when Oberyn made his announcement was perfect.  I know Tywin wasn’t expecting that in response. After all why would Oberyn help a Lannister?

Sansa and Littlefinger:

Back to the Erie and some creepiness. Sansa builds a snow Winterfell and Robyn (aka Robert) acts like a little sh#t and gets slapped for it.  Fearing repercussions Sansa kinda panics to Littlefinger who gives her some speech about how he thinks of her like his daughter and then grabs her and kisses her.  Yeah not weird at all. Lysa sees it all and of course that bodes well for Sansa right? Or maybe not. Lysa freaks out and threatens Sansa by pushing her towards the Moon Door. Littlefinger responded this way:

 

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books there was a musician hanging around that this murder was pinned on.  I’m not sure how they are going to play this here. Needless to say Sansa has learned a lot about the kind of person Littlefinger is and I don’t think she’ll make the same mistakes Lysa or Catelyn made. Littlefinger becomes more creepy as does Robert Robyn.

Major Character Deaths: One

Boob Count: Just one pair

See you in two weeks!

Game of Thrones: First of His Name, Where I write a review incredibly late

We start off the episode with Tommen’s coronation.  How cute is he?  There were a few smiles back and forth between Margaery and him that didn’t go unnoticed by Cersei.  Cersei approached Margaery acting as if she wants to become friends with her and Marge responded with this:

Seriously the look on Margaery’s face when she says all of this is how I feel when I’ve thought of an amazing put down and actually use it (as opposed to thinking of it hours after it was appropriate).

What the Watchlings don’t know:

In the books Cersei is seriously pissed off that Margaery is the new queen and she’s been pushed aside.  She still thinks of herself as a young, beautiful, desirable creature and doesn’t like to be reminded she is a widowed mother of three.  The sure fire way to make her mad is to bring up the fact that she’s not Queen anymore.  That makes this cutting remark that much more painful.  Also don’t feel sorry for Cersei.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.  I’ve admitted that I like Jamie even post pushing Bran out the window, but Cersei is a worthless c*$#.  Sorry, but she is and just gets worse.

Cut to Mereen and Dany’s council meeting.  Some are advising her to invade King’s Landing and others are not.  Just notice that Jorah seems to know a good bit about Westeros and that he’s acting weird.  This will be important later.

Jorah does deliver news that all the people she has freed are now slaves again and in worse situations then when they started.  She decides to stay in Mereen and rule.  And become a boring weak character for a while.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Jorah was a spy for Westeros for a long time. (They talked about this in the early seasons, but you were probably still trying to figure out who everyone was). Anyway Barristan was on the small council meaning he knows this little factoid.  So yeah. . .stuff happens.

Switch to the Vale and we get to see Lysa Arryn be a super weirdo.  She evidently never learned that you shouldn’t act like a needy smothering girlfriend to keep a relationship healthy.  We also learned that she killed her husband, not the Lannisters, that she lost her virginity to Petyr a long time ago, that she’s an idiot, she’s super paranoid and jealous and that she likes loud sex.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Lysa treats her son in a very creepy manner.  Yes, you’ve seen the breastfeeding and that he likes to throw things/people out the Moon Door, but you don’t know that he needs someone to sleep with every night and since his mother is not otherwise occupied this duty will fall to Sansa and it’ll be more creepy then you can imagine.  Lysa got pregnant by Petyr all those years ago and her dad gave her tea that would make her lose the baby.  Oh and gave her that tea without her knowing what was going on.  Then made her marry a man that, although he was nice, was old enough to be her grandfather.  She definitely got the short end of the stick.

Lastly, Petyr is even a bigger creeper towards Sansa than we’ve seen on screen.  He is always touching her, moving her hair and trying to be alone with her.  So, yay weird pedo sexual tension.

Back to King’s Landing Cersei and Tywin have a heart to heart where they discuss up coming marriages and how they are evidently broke.  Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t remember this from the books.  Granted the kingdom is broke, but I don’t remember Casterly Rock being destitute.  Anyway this was mostly just a set up for later. Best laid plans and all that you know.

Also we learned The Iron Bank ain’t nothin’ to f^$# with.  They aren’t.  Way more hard core than the Wu Tang Klan.

Oh, and Cersei wants Tyrion to die, but that’s pretty obvious.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

No, you pretty much got this.

 

We have a few couples roaming around the Kingsroad and The Hound and Arya are the most badass.  Arya who has her list of people she plans to kill and The Hound who just desperately wants to protect someone.  He tried helping Sansa, but she was too stupid to realize it and Arya has accepted the help, but has so many trust issues she still thinks he has an ulterior motive.

The Hound hates all knights and what they represent, yet he’s been the most knightly in actions towards the Stark girls.  Well that is unless you remember him splitting Arya’s friend Mycah in half because of Joffery’s lies.  When trying to put together the type of character that would cut a small boy in half and a character that is gentle and protective of girls all I can think is that he’s trying to do better. (Let’s go into my complete made up thoughts for a minute).  Being always with the Lannisters and trying to avoid his insane brother he turned off his emotions and just did what was ordered.  However. then he saw how Ned Stark acted and how his family was treated.  Ned who truly was a knight and lord in every sense of the word.  I would like to think he’s trying to protect the girls in Ned’s place, he just doesn’t know how to not come across as an ass.

OK so that’s all just theory to me, but I also love that he pointed out that the first sword of Braavos wouldn’t have been killed by Meryn Trant.  So maybe I am right about my other theory.

They argue, Arya  tries to stab him with her sword and it doesn’t pierce his armor.

What the Watchlings don’t know:

Ahh there’s not a lot that you don’t know except what’s about to happen next. So just keep watching.  Their plot line definitely is progressing unlike other strong female characters I know.

Poor Pod and his attempts to take care of Brienne.  This scene I think was mainly to show the two bonding and to prove to Brienne that Pod really is trying to do the best he can.  I love these scenes, but wonder what the watchlings think of them.  Are they boring?  Funny?  Really they are great, but more to see the book character’s come to life than anything.

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Big things are coming up for this pair as well.  The only other thing that you don’t know is that both characters are broken, unloved people that got a taste of happiness only to get put on the road again.  Pod was mistreated all his life until he met Tyrion and Brienne was mocked and scorned her whole life until she met Catelyn and Jamie.

Cersei shows back up trying to make everyone feel sorry for her again.  Here’s the thing she seems to have forgotten though: Her dad ordered his sister and sister’s kids killed.  Then they were sliced in half, head bashed in, or raped.  Yeah that’s not something you’re going to get over with a slightly weepy talk about missing your daughter.  Plus it’s probably going to backfire on you. Just sayin’

What the Watchlings Don’t Know:

Cersei is insane.  Like certifiable. Plus she conveniently forgets about all the horrible things her family has done to others.  Never feel sorry for Cersei.

Finally we get to see what’s going on in Craster’s Keep.  Ferb Jojen still looks like he has a really bad case of the flu, plus that fire can’t be good for his hand.  Oh wait.

The traitor that Bolton sent to the Wall leads an attack on the Keep sneaking off to kidnap Bran.  Jon and his men make short work of the traitors with some graphic violence and it looks bad for Bran and the others.  Then when all looks lost Bran wargs into Hodor.  Yeah, why didn’t he do that before?

I don’t care who you are you have to feel sorry for Hodor when he wakes up and realizes that he’s a murderer. Such a gross thing to wake up to. Seriously he should have warged sooner and avoided some of the death and destruction.

Both the wolves are reunited with their masters and the Night’s Watch burn down Craster’s Keep and all the dead.  The wives/daughters/granddaughters of Craster go their own way.

What the Watchlings don’t Know

OK none of this crap is in the books.  Bran does warg into Hodor some, but just be able to walk again or to be able to see what’s going on in a place that he can’t reach.  Summer does get a little hurt at one point, but Summer and Ghost aren’t captured because they are f-ing direwolves that would rip their captor’s throats out.  Once again– just sayin’.

There was a lot of set up in this episode so just wait until everything comes to fruition.  Lots of drama/violence/surprises. And lets get real, probably lots of sex too.

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 0

Game of Thrones: Oathkeeper. When the readers became shocked and confused.

This episode started out with Daenerys capturing Mereen in a slightly downplayed manner.  Yeah it was just as boring in the books.  I would like to say that I love Dany, but from here on out in the books I found her story tedious to say the least.  So since we’ve seen them add dimensions to the story lines maybe they will do the same for Dany– or at least speed this process up. Cathy (my blogging partner on these posts) was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t get to see any form of fighting when Daenerys takes over Maureen. I mean, not even a tiny bit. She has unsullied, dragons, Daario…we could have seen just a few people get stabbed or something. Oh well, I guess we’ll have to blame shooting schedule or budget or something. Point is, Daenerys now controls Maureen.

The scene with Grey Worm was nice though.  I really like the actor they picked for him and he brings life to the Unsullied.  Out of all the mistreated characters in the books I always felt sorry for the Unsullied.  For those not in the know, the Unsullied were taken young and taught to fight from a young age.  Some of the things they had to do was raise a puppy then kill it with their own hands, and take a baby from a mother and kill it.  Yeah, you know, nothing that would scar you for life.

She also doled out justice to the Mereen masters and as much as I love Barristan the Bold I side with Dany on the type of justice that was given.

Maybe they can also confirm this aunt/nephew relationship since they spilled the beans on so many other things this episode.  Jon Snow is Rheagar’s son.  It is known.

Cut to Bronn training with Jamie .  I really like Bronn.  In the books he’s very much a secondary character and I like that they combined him with some other characters to make him more memorable on the show.  Bronn laid out some truths that Jamie needed to hear.  Jamie’s and Tyrion’s relationship is one of my favorites.  As much as Cersei hates Tyrion Jamie loves him.  Jamie has been pretty much the only person that Tyrion has always been able to count on.

Which led to this touching scene.  And I’m being serious about that.  This episode showed many times the man that Jamie has become since being released from Catelyn Stark. I really really wish they’d left the “rape” out of last week’s episode.  That is not who Jamie really is.

Tyrion is such a great guy– which makes me believe even more that he’s not really a Lannister.

Next up we see Littlefinger being Littlefinger.  Gah he is such a sleaze. He’s going to marry Lysa aka– trying to figure out how to get in Sansa’s skirts.  He does shed some light on Joffery’s death though and confirms what even the books haven’t confirmed yet.  He had a hand in the murder, but was helping out someone else.  Some one powerful.  Low and behold:

Whaaat??  Once again this is something that I’d suspected/known-ish for a while, but the books hadn’t out and out confirmed it yet. We set up that whole “Clue” post last week thinking that it was going to take a while for the true killer to be revealed and, nope.  You gotta love the Queen of Thorns.  She’s more honorable and more cunning than any Lannister.  And evidently also a ho from her other story that she told Margaery during this stroll.

Meanwhile up on the Wall people are conspiring to do bad things to Jon Snow– between the people that just don’t like him and Locke who is trying to find out where Bran and Rikkon are Jon has danger on all sides, but doesn’t know it yet.  Jon is pretty smart though so I don’t fear too much for him right now.

We also had a scene between Jamie and Cersei showing her for the drunk bitch that she is.  Seriously– WHY did they have Jamie rape her last week??  He is trying to become honorable again and she is on a path in the opposite direction.  Out of all the Lannisters Cersei is the most crazy.  Perhaps it would have been different if her mother had lived and she hadn’t looked up to her father her whole life.

Margaery taking a page from her grandmother’s book visits Tommen at night, which could have been super creepy and gross, but instead showed off her amazing manipulation skills.  She shows Tommen kindness and nurtures his sweet nature.  Way to go Margaery.

In the books Tommen is pretty young.  Younger than he is here, so in this instance I’m really glad they deviated from the books.  I would be super creeped out if he was the kid that he should have been.

Now we come to the good parts.  Jamie and Brienne. Brienne is obviously in love with Jamie, but what they don’t touch on in the show is that Jamie has some not so pure thoughts/feelings about Brienne.  I won’t say he loves her or anything, but she’s definitely helped him to become the better man that he’s turning into. I think both Catelyn Stark and Brienne have reminded Jamie of what it was like when he had honor and he wants to live like that again.  Jamie has had to make so many hard choices in life and I think he wants to choose what is right from now on.

Plus we get to see Pod and Brienne set off together.  This upcoming story line is great. It’s humorous and touching and everything you could hope for.

Love. It.

Now we get our obligatory boob scene and get to see how the mutineers are faring at Caster’s keep.  We also find out that Ghost is being held captive.  Now I don’t remember any of this in the books, but it could be that I’m forgetting something.  I know Ghost was separated from him for a while, but I don’t see him allowing himself to be captured.  Ghost is more of a “rip your throat out” kind of wolf.  This is where the show is deviating pretty strongly from the books, but as we know from this documentary GRRM is overseeing a lot of the show so he has to approve right?

After Summer gets hurt everyone goes on the worst creeping mission ever.  I’m disappointed in Meera– after all she’s supposed to know all about the woods and then goes stomping out not looking where she’s going.  Also lets talk about Jojen.

Cathy says it best:

You know what I don’t understand? Theoretical physics. Know what else I don’t understand? Why Jojen was sweating like it was August in south Texas, when it was -30 out. Yeah, I know he was getting ready to have a green dream, but seriously, why all the sweat? He looked like he was a part of a bad outbreak movie.

Yes!  And NO ONE noticed!  Everyone is going on like normal until he collapses foaming at the mouth.  Come on guys– you weren’t wondering why he was pouring sweat in the snow? We are now to assume that Jon will save Bran and the others when he raids Craster’s Keep, but that is a total deviation from the books.  Yes Sam knew that Bran was alive, but he didn’t tell Jon.  Coldhands (who we haven’t met yet– even though we should have already) made him swear to keep it a secret.

OK now that we’ve gotten all that out of the way let me talk about what the show added that I was confused about while watching the episode, but now am cool with.  We got to see The Others take Craster’s son and turn him into one of them.  At first I thought– “what the crap!? Why did that add all of that?” but the more I thought about it and after a little research (and a friend talking over all of this with me) I realized a few things.

In the books the Others are called “Craster’s Sons” by Craster’s wives, but I always just thought of that as a figure of speech since he gave them up to the Others.  I had assumed they ate the babies or the babies just froze to death. However when you go back and reread some of the passages and pair it with what we saw last night then it appears that this is all Craster’s fault.  HE has been supplying new White Walkers for this huge army of Walkers.

Gilly was crying. “Me and the babe. Please. I’ll be your wife, like I was Craster’s.

Please, ser crow. He’s a boy, just like Nella said he’d be. If you don’t take him, they will.”

 “They?” said Sam, and the raven cocked its black head and echoed, “They. They. They.”

 “The boy’s brothers,” said the old woman on the left.

“Craster’s sons. The white cold’s rising out there, crow. I can feel it in my bones.

These poor old bones don’t lie. They’ll be here soon, the sons.”

Before I had seen this as just superstitious talk of scared Wildlings.  Yes we know there are really White Walkers, but they haven’t been seen for so long that the Wildlings have just made things up about them, or remembered incompletely.  However, after watching this segment of the Walkers turning the babe into one of their own so it will obviously still grow and change in it’s new state, George was telling us all along where the evil was coming from.

So I’m going to throw out a couple of theories and one of them will include a HUGE HUGE book five spoiler, so don’t continue unless you are up to date on the books.

1. Maybe Coldhands is Benjen Stark.  I hadn’t ever thought so, but thought he was an older Stark.  But what if they had tried to make him a Walker (not a wight like the other dead zombie like creatures) and he had been able to slow/stop the process so that now he isn’t human yet isn’t a mindless evil thing.  I’m not stuck on this theory, but I’m interested to see Coldhands whenever he shows up (hopefully they don’t cut him out of the show).

2. When Jon Snow is laying stabbed and dying at the end of the 5th book he begins to feel the cold.  So maybe it’s not his death that he feels coming, but the Others coming to attack the wall and the attack would then distract his attackers and allow the Red Woman (or someone else) to save Jon’s life.  I kinda think he dies all the way here though and the Red Woman brings him back and therefore he’s fulfilled his oath to the Night’s Watch, but these are all just theories.  I can go on and on about my Jon Snow theories.

What did you think?  What are your predictions for next week?  Why the #(@*#! did the previews for next week show Arya stabbing The Hound in the stomach with Needle??

See you next week!

Major Character Deaths: 0

Boob Count: 2 pair